Memory Loss and Crappy Habbits

I’ve started this entry about five times but there’s no other way but to come out and say it:

I don’t take very good care of myself and my body, and I think it’s catching up with me. 

I’m sure I’m depleted from all sorts of things my body should have, and it’s especially shameful because I’m also breastfeeding a baby.  I try to take prenatal vitamins on the days I remember, but there’s no rhyme or reason for it.  I get up in the morning, sometimes I take a shower but most days if the kids are up before me, and I barely get a chance to run a comb through my hair. 

But guys?  My eating habits are HORRID.  Absolutely awful.  I read every day about healthy foods people on Facebook are making, people talking about nutrition and supplements and being healthy and working out and it’s all just jibberish to me.  I drink Diet Coke more and more (I think I’m addicted, I crave it SO much especially at the end of a long day!) and I rarely eat fruits and vegetables… maybe a banana here and there and a handful of carrots.  But my diet is basically processed foods, sweets, treats, and whatever I’m craving in the moment that requires NO preparation.  

I want to be better, I really do.  I understand that I need to make a change but I just don’t know HOW or where to start, it’s pretty daunting.  I’m just so overwhelmed with everything else that trying to figure out how to eat better just sounds so impossible to me considering we live in this tiny little town–and while I love it, it’s SO hard to find much of anything and I just don’t have any idea where to start.  I feel like I need someone guiding me.

And I HATE THE TASTE of almost everything healthy!  Junk food just tastes so much better–Help!

I think the underlying issue too is I’ve never been more thin in my life-I have lost SIXTY POUNDS since the day before I had Jasper (apparently even though I got the short end of the stick with the stretch mark department, my body gave me a break and responded to breastfeeding by burning zillions of calories a day so I could continue to eat like crap and continue to LOSE weight) so part of me is like what’s the point– and I don’t want that part to win.  Because even though it still seems far off in the future, as soon as Jasper weans (tear!) I will most likely gain it all back and then some if I don’t change things NOW. 

So I think it’s starting to affect my memory, or maybe I’m just imagining things, but it has gotten so bad.  Here is what happened today that makes me think I’m going off my rocker..

1.  I forgot my camera on my way to the city for a photo session.  I got about 1/4 of the way there and realized it and had to TURN AROUND AND GO BACK.  Luckily the session wasn’t until later in the day but it added almost an hour of traveling to my day and I seriously cannot believe I did that.

2.  One of the whole points of the trip to the city besides the photo session was to pick up these wallpaper sample books for Nathan’s grandma–she never gets to the city so I offered to pick it up for her and we talked about it SEVERAL times before I left and she even called me in the morning asking if I was going to get them and I said, "Yep!"  Granted today was a crazy busy day with the kiddos in the city and I had so much to do but I didn’t even THINK of it until I got home.  And I had already put it on a list for the day, I just must have glazed over it when I was looking through my shopping list.  I even have the list on my phone!!!

3.  Speaking of lists… I have to make a list for EVERYTHING.  Or else I’ll forget.  If I’m shopping, I have to constantly look at the list every 5 seconds because as soon as I put my phone down, I’ve already forgotten what it was.  For example, I’ll have something like paper towels, diapers, shampoo, etc.  I will only remember the paper towels before I have to open up the phone and look at the list again.  Oh yeah–shampoo!  Stuff like that.  Even things throughout the day if I have a "to do" list.  I HAVE to write it down or I’ll forget.  

I don’t know if my crappy nutrition and the usual mental exhaustion of having two kids under 4 is what’s causing this but it’s gotten MUCH worse it seems in the last few months. 

I’m a snacker by nature so I did start a tiny ball rolling by ordering one of those healthy snack boxes from naturebox.com in the hopes that it will at least replace some of the crap I’ve been eating for snacks with something different and healthy.  Fingers crossed that I can kick myself out of this bad spiral downward in of treating my body like a garbage dump for unhealthy food!

And maybe I’ll stop being so FORGETFUL too!