Everyone But Me

“I don’t think I’m going tonight. Sorry, Meg,” Nicole said over the phone. I dropped my lip gloss and leaned back in the chair.

“Aw, why not?” I asked. She sighed.

“I dunno, I have to work a double shift tomorrow and Kirk is going to be over here later.”

Inside, I grumbled. I had just spent two hours with Nicole, driving her to the mall, to Suntana so she could tan for fifteen minutes, then over to TJMaxx so we could look for clothes for the dance that evening. I had even brought her back to her apartment and helped her write a love letter to her boyfriend. I was so excited for the “Winter Blowout” which was another fraternity sponsored event that all of us girls always went to. And now Nicole said she wasn’t going to go.

“Oh…… I guess that’s okay,” I said. I bit my lip. I tried not to let the dissapointment show in my voice. I didn’t like making people feel sorry for me.

“Are you sure? I feel so bad! But I am just so lazy and tired and I just want to be with Kirk,” Nicole explained.

“Yeah, um… I understand,” I said.

But I didn’t. And that was sad. Because it had been so long since I felt that feeling that I would drop everything for a guy that I had forgotten what it was like.

Melanie had also left for the weekend to go home with Dirk and stay with his family.

Again.

She had spent every night that week at his house. I saw her at class and during the day. After seven o’clock, she was gone. So now two of my best friends wouldn’t be with me for the dance.

Make that three. Jess’s guy friends were coming up and she was just going to stay at her apartment and hang out with them.

But I was determined not to let that ruin my night. And I didn’t. I had more car trouble, but I still drove my friends Randy (Miranda), Teri, Shannon, and Jessica to the dance with Teri’s car. We had a blast, I danced with all my guy friends and even got to sing on the stage with Randy. At 12:30, I collected everyone whom I was driving home. Half were drunk and crying, the other half were asking if I could fit just one more person in my already full car.

Ah, to be the hero……

“Megan, thank you so much for driving…..”

“Meg, I don’t know what I’d do without you!!”

“You are such a good friend to do this…..”

I smiled and said no problem. I smiled as Jessica and her new boyfriend snuggled in the back seat and laughed when they got the munchies and made me stop at SunMart to get Pizza Rolls. I gave my other friend Jess a hug when she beamed about how one of her guy friends and her were falling for each other. I recalled earlier in the evening when Nicole stressed about her love letter to Kirk and I assured her it was a masterpiece and he would love it.

But inside, I felt left out. I dropped everyone off, knowing who would not be waking up in their own beds, but at least they were safe. I drove back to Teri’s and left her car there. I bundled up and walked the three blocks back to campus.

Alone……

Arghhhhhh! I was sick of it. I was sick of being the only sane person with nobody to talk to who felt the same way about things…. All the guys at the party were drunk as usual. My friend Ross even asked me out on a date. I didn’t know what to say, so I stumbled my way through a shrug and an “I dunno, we’ll see!!!” I didn’t even know if he would remember asking me.

You know….. sometimes I feel so lucky, but so lonely. I have great friends, I love college, my family is healthy. I’m getting good grades, I don’t have any serious problems. Yet I am constantly afraid something bad is going to happen. I try not to worry, but yet I’m lonely…….. sniff sniff……

It’s hard to explain when everyone seems to be going in their own direction with somebody else. Everyone but me…