A Little About Me

I write little entries in my head sometimes but never quite get situated to write them down.  Lots of thought swirling around that I want to record, updates I want to make, thoughts I want to organize.

Although this entry is supposedly about me, I have to update on my kiddos first:

I can’t believe Jasper is already NINE MONTHS OLD.  He is so adorable, so smart, so serious and giggly all at once… and SO different from Wesley.  I can’t exactly put my finger on it, but he’s just got this different personality about him.  It will be interesting and fun to see how they differ as they grow.  One thing’s for sure, he LOVES his big brother.  He absolutely lights up when he sees him, squeals in delight, kicks his legs, etc.  He wants to be next to him at all times when they are playing (he does this funny thing where he crawls pretty much on top of Wesley when they are on the floor… Wesley doesn’t much care for it but it’s hilarious to see Jasper try.  He also is a pro at crawling… he crawls so fast you really have to keep an eye on him or he’s in the next room or halfway up the stairs before can even turn around!  He also does this cute thing when he takes off crawling–this little giggle shriek excited noise and he slaps his hands on the wood floor while he goes.  I’m going to have to try to get it on video!

Wesley is also changing every day.  He’s such a little boy now more than ever with a personality to match  He loves his independence.  LOVES it…. and uses it… and scares me with it at times too.  But, within reason, I allow him that independence, and it has also allowed me to relax a little and put my trust in him.  Things like, letting him run down the road/next door to Nathan’s grandparent’s house.  I always call ahead to let Dianne know he’s coming, and I usually watch him until he gets around the corner to her door, but it’s a big thing to watch your little three-year-old take off running without having to run after him, like I’ve been doing the past few years.  I also let him play outside more are more in the front yard on his own… checking out the window every five minutes or so, or opening the windows so I can hear him playing.  I can also let him play upstairs while I get ready in the morning.  He’s finally graduated to the point where I won’t obsess about him putting things in his mouth or falling down the stairs–wahoo!  Jasper on the other hand, not so much!  He will put ANYTHING in his mouth.   

He’s getting SO BIG, I know…

 

As I mentioned before, he’s also breastfed all the baby weight off of me and at 9 months out I’m finally down to pre-pregnancy weight and then some, just like I was with Wesley.  Except it took me a year and a half to lose the weight with Wesley (I think I finally got this size about when he was 17 or 18 months old) for some reason it’s come off much faster this time.  But it’s a catch-22 because I feel like this isn’t going to last, because it’s totally because of breastfeeding and nothing else.  I don’t exercise (unless you count running around after the kids) and  know I need to change my eating habits so I possibly COULD continue this after he’s weaned in a year or two… but then again, who knows if we’ll have another kid by then.  I think it’s safe to say I’m going to be huge again at some point in my life, and for now, I guess I’m going to just try to enjoy being thin and not feel bad if things change.

I bought myself a new pair of jeans and a new tankini swimsuit that is the most ADORABLE suit ever… I took some pics of myself in it, but I feel kinda silly/weird sharing them here.  But at the same time, I want to show that you don’t have to wear a bikini on the beach to still look good… I’ve come to terms with my post-baby belly (for the most part) but still have self-esteem issues when it comes to swimwear.  I feel like I’m the only one who got "ruined" of all my friends and is forced to wear covered up swimwear for the rest of my life… so if I’m going to do it I’m going to try to look damn cute while doing it. 

The other thing weighing on my mind, as always, is the whole stay-at-home-mom vs. work thing.  More and more, I am feeling this pull to be at home more with my kids, and less involved with the photography.  Even nothing drastic has happened, and I don’t think I’m ever truly going to bow out completely, I have definitely taken a step back, raised my prices, and trying to put my priorities in the right order and–perhaps the hardest thing–NOT TAKE  IT PERSONALLY.  I get so worked up with the client relationships, especially the local ones.  Ever since raising my prices, as I expected, the first people to drop were the locals… it sucks, but it’s a small town and these were a majority of young families and I understand money is tight for some of them.  But I cannot continue to work at the pace I was for that price, no matter who it was.  Luckily, I have been at this business long enough that my client base is still healthy enough to make up for it; yesterday I had two clients travel over a hour to come to me for pictures. 

Still… I ache every day when I drop the kids off at daycare.  I spend as much time in the mornings as I can with them, but it’s overshadowed by a long list of to-dos, trying to get them dressed, fed, and out the door in a timely manner so I can go up to my office and start work.

…. I think I need more time to write another entry about this, but my eyes are drooping as I type this and I’m just about to fall asleep on the keyboard!  

Until next time!!