Chat it Up

 I wrote a whole entry a few days ago and never saved it.. by the time I tried to save it, it had timed out, and the auto save feature only auto saved about half of it. So eff it. 

Kasin got braces, he was a sissy about the expander for his top jaw, but is fine with the braces, most of the time. He only needs them for 10 months. I don’t think he really needed the braces, just the expander, but whatever. It’s free, DKC. 

The kids and I are moving, we have applied at several income-based apartment communities, There’s two that are owned by the same corporation and will probably be the ones we end up in… Chenana apartments are these super dark green buildings right by my job/Milo’s daycare, and really close to the university. HOWEVER, it’s really far away from where we live now and Kasin’s school. If we move there, it would put us in the district for Woodriver, the school that I pulled Kasin OUT OF because they were so rude and snooty. I’m pretty sure that Denali (Kasin’s current school) will let us keep him there, but getting him to and from school would be a huge pain in the ass. :

Executive Estates are the other ones, and they are huge, there’s 109 apartments there. I’ve known lots of people who lived there, and they’re nice, much like Chenana, they’re a cluster of fourplexes and eightplexes, although I’m not sure if the Chenana ones are two stories or not. I know EE is, the bedrooms and bathroom are upstairs and the kitchen and living room are downstairs, it’s very open and nice. However, the area they are in is in the Hunter School district, and I don’t want Kasin to go there… that school is sort of in the ghetto, even though EE isn’t, and they have a lot of issues with racial tension and poor test scores. The school has been a failing school for a long time, until the last two years. So, they’re making improvements, but I’m still not comfortable with sending Kasin there. I really want Kasin to stay at Denali… or go to UPark.

If I get placed at UPark for my internship, it would be ideal to live at Chenana. Not knowing where I’ll be placed until JULY really puts a cramp in my life. 

There are so many pros and cons to all of this… if we lived at EE, we’d be really close to two stores, our favorite store being one of them (walking distance.) but not very close to any parks or anything. Chenana is right next to a nice playground and a big school, so there’s a playground there, too. The area it’s in is very nice, kind of upper class (people around there have way more money than I do.) Also, if he DID go to Hunter, there would be a bus that would pick him up and drop him off. Where we live now, we are too close for bus transport, even though it’s -40 for weeks at a time during the school year. :S So I really do have to pick him up and drop him off most of the time. 

If I got my internship placement at UPark or Denali, I could probably bring Kasin with me, but I’m not sure. I know that teachers can bring their kids with them to the schools they work in, even if it’s out of area for them, so I ASSUME that I will be able to have him at the school I’m working in. I requested either UPark or Denali for my internship, but there’s no guarantees that I will get either one. If they place me somewhere else that’s totally random, I could probably take Kasin with me then, too. I feel like we’ve really built relationships at Denali, though, and he has friends there and knows a lot of the teachers and is a part of that community.. so I would really like him to stay there. I feel like the best case scenario is getting placed at Denali for my internship and getting an apartment at EE. But I have NO control over either of these things, and it really bothers me! 

Since EE and Chenana are both owned by the same entity, you just get an apartment at whichever one has an opening for you. And the School of Ed gets to pick what school I intern at, not me. I know there are two interns at Denali this year, which makes me think there’s a good chance of me getting placed there in the fall. However, there’s about 30 interns this year, so who knows. Maybe 15 people requested Denali… I really have NO control over any of this, and it’s making me SO anxious.

I just want to get it done. I want to move, I want to be by myself with the kids, I want to be able to put things in a certain place and know they’ll still be there when I get back. I want to pick the decor. I want to put things away. I want to clean it myself. I am so ready for a fresh start. Ross is supposed to be looking for a cabin that he can afford on his own. I dont really know how well that’s going to go for him, because he’s SO picky. Honestly, I think we would have been able to get into a few low income places around town with the four of us, but it would still just be a 2 bedroom and I am SO sick of living with Ross and having him around Kasin. I didn’t even tell him that we would probably qualify for low income places with all four of us, because I dont want him around anymore…

The odd part is that we really aren’t breaking up, we’re just moving to two separate places. I think that eventually this will turn into me wanting to date other people, or I suppose him wanting to.. but I doubt that.. I dont know. It could happen. In any event, I think that it will eventually lead to us seeing other people and just staying friends, primarily for Milo’s sake, but not exclusively. I like Ross, I really do. We get along and we have amazing sex, we have a lot of core values in common and we have similar beliefs, but I just can’t do this anymore. Coexisting is not in the cards for us. Besides, if he and Kasin cant get along, we were never going to work out long term, anyways.

The part that hurts the most is that he’s so great to Milo and Milo loves him SO MUCH, and he is going to be so sad about not being together all the time.. but he’s so young, he’ll be fine, I know… and it’s not like Ross won’t still be around, just not the same as he has been for Milo’s whole life. Ross has been so much more involved with Milo than Corey ever was with Kasin, I am sad that I’m taking Milo away from Ross, and vice versa.. 

We haven’t told everybody about this, yet.. not his parents or mine, although my brother took it upon himself to mention it to my folks and they emailed me a bunch with their disapproval as the headline. So that’s fun. I don’t plan to announce anything until it’s official.

I turn in my applications on Monday and she said that she felt like a 2 bedroom would come available pretty quickly, a lot of people leave town in the summers and there will be openings. Also, EE is a large property and they have a lot of vacancies anyways.

I am really bummed that the boys will have to share a room, but I can’t do anything about it. I’m also not sure how much the rent will be.. they base it off of your yearly income.. it’s supposed to be like 30% of your yearly income, I think.. so I guess we’ll see. Wish us luck. 

~me