In the dark..

Its a shit life.. just sometimes

28. 28 years young and literally shitting myself. Life is a rollercoaster. You know when you want to shout? Scream? Cry? Lash out.. thats how I feel.

I have some good friends but they dont need my shit.. so here I am literally airing one of the rockiest times of my life. The last 3 weeks and im literally.. shitting myself

I had a smear.. which came back high grade severe dyskarios – severe cell changes. I was given an appointment with colposcopy at the local hospital, they discussed treatment that day.. but unknown to me they decided to do biopsies – for their own reasons.

Well today I got a letter from the hospital – no fucking results, just another appt in 7 days. Im going insane you know? 28 and worrying how my daughter would be without me? What will happen to my mom? Etc.. how can that even be normal to be thinking so seriously.. yet im faced with a cervical cancer scare. Shitty really.

Im new to here.. but for the first time in my life ive needed to talk and there are friends as mentioned.. but I found you.. and maybe in some way its easier airing how I feel on here instead of to somebody I know.

So yes a shit day.. I guess its the unknown really. The feeling of being numb and confused and scared.

And feeling really lonely.

Because lets face it.. we have people who care.. but its not them going through it..

Love, always

C x