We will fight to the death

 I am finding myself actually liking some songs by 30 seconds to mars. I haven’t really been able to listen to music like that in about 5 years..so this came as quite a shock to me. 

So Josh got back today after being gone for all last week. 

I guess that is where i can start. June 13th was the bday dinners at my grandmas. It was the usual bday dinner stuff. Josh came with and met the 2 people he hadn’t yet (my gma and Anne) and that all went well. I even stopped out at my other gmas so I could introduce her to Josh, she had been asking about him for awhile now, which is pretty adorable. We got home around 7 and I was not feeling in the best of moods. I was almost in that determined to argue mood, but that quickly turned into me going back in the room and letting him hold me until all of the bad thoughts (BAD THOUGHTS BAD THOUGHTS! haha Josh says it really funny when I am being a loser face) went away. So then early monday morning I drove him to the bus stop. I was in quite the bad mood at work that day, and was dreading going home to an empty apartment. I walked in the door and started to tear up. It wasn’t just that josh had left, it was that no one was there..it would have been different if Leif would at least have been here. So yeah. I slept like garbage, and had to be at work early the next day. I was nervous for him to leave. I don’t think nervous is the right word..but I just didn’t know how I was going to be with him being gone. It was fine. I worked all week..the only thing that really sucked was coming home to an empty place and cooking dinner for 1. I really did sleep like shit all week and was just so much looking forward to going home. 

But it was good. I mean I obviously love this kid..so so much. But sometimes (mainly after talking to my sister) I get scared and feel like I am getting to deep into this. But after having him gone this week..I know I would be fine if something were to happen. obviously it isn’t the same thing..him leaving for a week and knowing he is coming home to me eventually rather us breaking up..but I know deep down that I would be ok. Does that make sense? I feel like that was important for me to realize. 

After work on Friday I went home and made a drastic change..I went back to being a brunette. I needed a change and that was it. It looks really good and I am happy I got enough balls to do it. 

Saturday was Josh’s sister’s graduation. i woke up and was immediately a bundle of nerves. He had already met all of my family, so it was my turn. Well, I just had his grandparents to still meet. So I got there around noon and it was good. I loved his grandpa, it made me really miss mine actually. I stayed at the party until like 8, I contemplated staying, but I decided against it. Yeah in the process of staying that long, I missed the Stone Arch Festival that I pretty much promised my sister I would go to. But I mean being there for only 3 hours didn’t seem like long enough, and I wasn’t ready to go at that time anyways. So when I got home, she was being pretty rude and was obviously pissed off. ‘oh did the ex show up at the party?" Yeah i mean I told her the other week that I was wondering if she would, but I guess I didn’t expect her to throw it back in my face. Side note, I was worried about that happening. But then I thought how psycho that would have been, and I would have been sitting there with his family..fing bitch. lol. It was hard to leave though, he wasn’t sure when he was coming back home. A few of his friends showed up and I got to meet one I hadn’t before, so that was cool. I wish I didn’t have to be so shy/self conscious.

So I got back home last night, and Josh called and said he would be coming home tomorrow (today). So all day at work I was super giddy and excited. His grandparents dropped him off about an hour after I got home, Then we…caught up on some things..lol

In other news..

My birthday is a week from today, and my sister is having a party for me on Saturday. I am excited. I am more excited to not be going to the bars like i have been for the past few years. It is so hard to have a big group at bars, and it gets expensive and if it is nice out, hard to find a place to sit with everyone. so yeah we are going to grill and play drinking games and have a great time. 

What else..I have been working a lot. I finally started teaching the drivers ed classes. That was intimidating, but I am used to it now and I will be doing a lot more of it.

Nothing else is really going on.

i am making too many typing mistakes and it is bugging me so I have to end this. 🙂 

Ry, where the hell are you?!