truth.

So..one acceptance down, 2 to go.

I got my accepantce letter for SCSU on Monday. I forgot what that felt like-that nervous scared exciting feeling of opening those envelopes. I hadn’t felt that since my senior year of hs. I should hear from the U in a couple weeks and soon from UIC. I can’t help but look at all the ‘upper class’ dorm/apts and picture myself there. Starting fresh and metting all new people-finally having the life I chose to abandon 4 years ago. 

as much as I am excited, I am scared to leave home-to leave my mom. I think it is going to be so lonely here for her and I love being here with her and it is just going to be such a change moving away after everything.

honestly though, if I didnt have another acceptance coming from the last 2 schools, I would be more than happy at scsu. I mean that is where I can see myself the most, but that could just be because I havent heard anything from the other schools. It is kind of perfect now because everyone that I knew at scsu and the U will be gone by the time I start-so it really will be a fresh start.

I tried to write about this in stupid myspace but I felt stupid. or censored. one of the 2,

I sent Joel a message. I just asked what he was up to and said that if I heard the correct rumor (that he was engaged) congrats. He never messaged me back. I tried. I thought him accepting my friend request was saying something but I guess not. I find that I am not afraid anymore-to talk to certain people or things like that. I guess it is because I don’t care much anymore about what people think about me–little things like that seem really trivial now.

I don’t feel like I can face this week.

I am good at shelving my emotions.