Time heals

I now understand, maybe now more than ever, how important time is. Actually, let me rephrase..how important distance is.

I think if Josh was near me while this was happening, I might have cried and just crawled back to him. That he would have just had to mutter "sorry" and I would be the one making it better.

I don’t have that option right now. For this past week and a half, I have had to deal alone. Laying in bed going through every detail in my mind trying to figure it out. Taking all of the strength I can and NOT text or call him.

Slowly but surely, I have gotten to be a little bit ok. I think if you are away from the person like I am, you can fully evaluate weather or not I even want him in my life. I get to REALLY think about if he is worth it or not.

To be honest, I know I deserve better. I know I can do better.

Will he actually try and fix this? I don’t think so. That s purely judging off past behavior. He isn’t the type of person that owns up to his mistakes, he finds the biggest rug he can and sweeps it right under. And if you try to talk about it in hopes of putting it behind you,  he will yell at you and then say, "I’m done talking about this"

If he decides to NOT own up to this, I wish he would just stay where he is. If he is going to actually try to make this some what ok and try to put effort into rebuilding this, it’s going to be a long road.

I crave the day where I will know what it feels like to just be loved. to be taken care of rather then just being the other way around. To have a partner