STOP IT

I am SO SICK of being in my room and crying alone. I called Erik (mistake) and he just doesnt say anything. I hung up on him and called my sister and she yelled at me. Not yelled, but just saying how I cant just sit and think about all of this stuff, and how nuts it is going to make me. And she is right, but I don’t know how NOT to think about it. It is harder for me, because once again I am stuck right in the middle of it.

Then this morning she sent me a really great e-mail. I just need to not be here. Coming home and sitting in my room is always going to lead to thinking, and me crying alone. And I can’t keep doing it to myself. and she is right, if I can’t handle hanging out with anyone that day, I should go to Dunn bros and study or read.

So I am going out there hopefully at the end of May if I can get a ticket with my fq flyer miles. I cannot wait for my counseling app monday. I just have so much of this built up in me, it feels like I am going to explode.

I just feel like I have no one. Erik is worthless as someone to talk to, my sister is the only one I have that will not give me the fake advice bullshit.

Oh, I also IMed Tim today. I just wanted one less thing to be confused about or something. I just said I was sorry for whatever happened, and that I hoped things were going well. He asked me how I was, and I really wanted to talk to him about it..but I stopped myself. I didn’t want him to think that is why I apologized or something.

Speaking of..I also e-mailed my psych teacher and told her what was going on. I was really hesitant because I didnt want her to think I wanted sympathy or anything like that..I just really wanted her to know that I wasn’t skipping out on her classes, and stuff like that. I just told her there are days that I wake up, and cannot pull myself out of bed, or try to go through a normal attempt at a day. She wrote me back a long e-mail and it was just great. She said at the end ‘Thanks for trusting me enough to say something’ I thought it was really nice.

anyways that is all I got.

Oh, I e-mailed my dad to. Erik says it was the best thing I have ever written. I may post it sometime..