Past passed

I have been thinking a lot. I am at that moment now of pure peace.

I wish it was easy to let go of the past. I wish it was easy to see certain people in a good light rather than a negative one.

One of my things that I know I have shared on here is that I really think I am a good judge of character. I see things really quickly and no matter what, they always end up being right in the long run. I want to give certain people the benefit of the doubt, but it always comes back to bite me in the ass.

I don’t know where I want to go with this exactly…

I was looking at Erik’s ex’s profile, Caroline. I hated her. When she showed up at our house with Joe Smith, I threw a ball so hard I broke a lightbulb. I had no reason to hate her. But I remember finding messages between her and Erik and also finding out that he sent her stuff when she moved out of MN. So my hate never dissolved. Obviously now, years later, I feel nothing for the girl. Who gives a shit.

I saw a picture of Josh’s ex on FB and noticed that she is looking quite a bit heavier. This made me smile. Why? "Well now she is getting fatter so he probably won’t look at her as cute anymore"

Stupid, right?

I know.

Sometimes I really just can’t control those thoughts. At least I can control keeping them to myself.

I just have this issue like I am not good enough. Like I need to find a fault in competition so that there’s a reason I am where I am.

It has definitely improved over the years…but I know it is still there.

But I hate kortney. I deleted her again off FB. I took the fakeness for about a month this time. It makes me want to puke. At least I know I am not alone in my feelings.

end