my confession…

There are so many words I want to pour out right now. So many emotions I want to explain for.

But I cant for some reason.

My new years was really good. probably one of the best ones. It made it a lot better because we didnt go out on the golf course, we stayed inside, even though Erics room was probably colder then outside. I saw a few people who I havent seen in awhile, Joe was there which was a bit odd. He died his hair black though, which looks really hot by the way.

Scorpion was there too, I cant remember his real name, but he is cool.

I met Nicks brother, and convinced him that my dad was Michael Findley the basketball player, and that i was half black. That was awesome. He said I was cool. I was like Sweet. haha

I had a long talk with Meghan over lunch.  I  told her things that were making me really nervous about certain people. I am pretty sure Meghan is becoming one of my really good friends. She was talking about a conversation she had with the guys about me saying "I am glad she is hanging out with us, because she was really sad for awhile, and now she seems to always have a smile on her face" It made me really happy when she said that. I thanked her and told her that I was really happy, happy that I finally have good friends that I can have fun with again.

But yeah, she and Chris came back to my house while I showered and got ready. I finally found a cute outfit to wear, and tried my best to make my hair look cute.  We made the descion to bring the OC with. I guess that was more important then my toothbrush since I forgot that and not the OC. haha

So it was just us and Scarlett when we got there, then Nick showed up. Meghan, scarlett and matt left to go to another party for a bit, So I popped in the OC. Nick didnt really say much at first…I felt anxious..so I started drinking. After awhile, he finally got the hint to come lay next to me, and all was well.

Everyone finally go there around 11:30. But we didnt miss the ball drop like I had thought we would. Jimmy called me somewhere in there and surprise surprise, wasnt at home, he was at some party. I was trying to make it short since I had no desire to talk to him at all. But for some reason he yelled at me. I think REALLY because I was at a party and not waiting by the phone for his call. So I hung up on him and went back to the fun

So at midnight I was sitting by nick and the ball dropped. People did thier kissing, and I looked at Erik like..um well I guess nick isn’t gonna make the move, huh? So Erik sorta gave Nick that look like "dude, get on it" and I got a New Years kiss..It was sorta sloppy..I am hoping that was because he was drunk.  

So yeah, I polished off a bottle and a half of champagne and was feeling pretty good.

I think we ended up going to bed around 6, and I slept really shitty.

Eriks little brother kept coming upstairs at like 10 and poking at me. those 10 year olds lol.

And then when I finally really fell asleep, I got woken up by Nick when he had to leave. I said bye really sleepily..and he just said he would talk to me later.So it was just me upstairs on Eriks floor. I went back to sleep and woke up again at like 1. I peeked up and saw Erik was slowly waking up. Turns out he had missed work..but called and he didnt have to go in at all. So Him, me scarlett and Megahn all got up and went out to eat.

We went to Perkins at like 4 for our version of breakfast, that was a mistake. I had 2 bites and felt sick. Just like yesterday when I ate 1 chicken strip and almost vomited. That seems like it is happening with everything I eat lately. I dont get it.

Tonight I think we are all going back over to Eriks to watch the OC and pass out.

my head is screaming.

i need to go de-death myself.