I feel grown up

It makes me think I have learned a lot through dating/relationships when I can realize pretty quickly that I don’t have feeling for someone.

I really thought I liked Ben. I mean I have had a crush on him forever but I think I just had a crush on having a crush…or something

I realized this on Friday when he came up to St. Cloud with me. Before we left my sister was hyping me up because everyone pretty much thought something was going to happen. And Ben tried, but I shot him down.

I guess I truely realized it last night during my 2 hour conversation with Mark-who I saw on Friday!

But yeah I felt good that I was able to see through the wanting and needing and realize that I was forcing myself to feel something that wasn’t there.

But that doesn’t mean feeling have not risen for a certain someone else.

But I cannot talk about that now.

9 more days until my month long trip to Maui.

9 more days of the hell that is my life.