I am yours now..so now I don’t ever have to leave

I like finding new music..a lot. I am glad I started listening to The Current. 

That is my entrance. 

I needed retail therapy today. It was 30% off weekend at GAP, so I figured that was my excuse for a good shopping spree. It was awesome. for the first time in my LIFE i am actually a true size 4 now. It was pretty awesome getting all new jeans and shirts today. Thank you Jillian Michaels! lol If that doesn’t keep my motivation going to keep working out, I don’t know what will. 🙂 yeah so 3 new pairs of jeans and 5 shirts later…lol (thanks gapcard!) haha

Otherwise today was a pretty lackluster day. Actually, the whole week has been like that. 

We found out Wednesday that our applications for our apartment were accepted..which was awesome to find out. As soon as I tell Josh, he said "Leif says he isn’t singing anything until he has a job"

so yeah that whole weight that had been lifted got thrown right back on. plus some

I mean, you are just deciding this now!?

FYI i NEED to live up here for school and work. in 2 weeks I NEED a place to live. I have no options. I am starting to feel like I am going to get royally fucked with this whole thing.HOPEFULLY that does not happen because I really really want to live that this apartment and not have to deal with trying to find one in less than a week.

That has been a big part of my stress.

Also, the dad stuff has been hitting me hard this week. I am not sure why..wait, yeah I know why cause I had to go read the obits the other day.

I remember when it all happened..and no one was there..no one could say the right things. 

So Wednesday when Josh asked what was wrong, I told him (after trying not to) that I missed my dad. He just held me..for a long time. Jsut let me cry on his shoulder. Then he was like "Want to hear something sad? If we make it and have kids, they wont have and grandpas"

Then I said, "yeah and I wont have anyone to walk me down the isle."

It was weird…his ability to make me feel better. But then again, that boy has that amazing affect of me..even like today when I freaked out for no reason. It’s like the opposite of knowing how to push my buttons.

I also have not been sleeping well at all this week. Then this morning when I was trying to get back to sleep for my final hour of sleep, I had a terrible dream. So bad that when I woke up, I had to call Josh and make sure everything was still ok. I wrote it down..I had to. Just to get it out of my head I guess. 

But yeah, i work pretty much all day tomorrow and then am probably going out to the bars tomorrow night. My brother is going to be up here for a mutual friends bachelor party..I am excited that people I know are actually coming up here! 

Not much else to update about I guess. 

Hopefully my next one will be filled with some positive news. 

Where would I be

If this were to go under

That’s a risk I’d take

I’m froze by desire

as if a choice i’d make