For every reaction there is an action as well

So old friend, it has been awhile, huh?

I can try to fill in as I go along..

I am falling for Josh. For real. And I am not sure I know how to proceed from here. All everyone says when you get into a relationship is ‘don’t play games’ But honestly, is that even possible? I mean I feel like I am trying to be two people. The girl who wants to be with him all the time, and the girl who doesn’t care if we are apart. Isn’t that game playing? I want to be with him, but I don’t want him to see me care. I don’t want to seem vulnerable I guess.

It is just do different with him. The way I feel when I am with him..I just cannot even describe it.

He came home with me this past weekend and met my family and friends. It went great. Before we even started dating I was getting good vibes. He is me age, all of his friends are married or in relationships (which I think is a good sign for some reason) and he has some direction in his life. but when he looks at me, I want to burst. but I will not be the first one to say anything lol. I have learned that much.

on a side not, Jimmy has been calling again. FUCK. It really pisses me off. I mean the last text i got from him like 3 months ago was ‘I sit alone and find myself missing you’ F you douche. So I never answer or respond-but I got a new phone and my contacts did not transfer over. So I answered today when he called, and when I realized who it was, i hung up. It made me so mad. Just that he thinks it is ok to still talk to me. I mean he did so much bad stuff to me..stuff that I am still trying to get over..leave me the F alone.

ugh I have so much more to write about, but i have to cut this short.