Flooded

 So..it there something in the air that everyone seems to be getting engaged right now?!

I think it is pretty wonderful. I was at a show the other weekend and saw the friends of mine (who are now engaged) and I actually wondered to myself, "I wonder if they are every going to get married" 

I guess so. 

 (ok, this is the 3rd time I have come back to finish this entry..ugh)

So I am at that stage again where I have wanted to write for weeks..but every time I sit down to this thing..I lose all motivation. 

So much has been going on..I don’t even really know where to start. 

Josh and I have been having a lot of ‘talks’ as of late. I guess I had just been feeling a little ‘blue’ since school started again, and not feeling as appreciated as I would have liked. So i made this known. the thing is..i do a lot for this boy. I also have high expectations of people. today i was trying to decide if i just do that because I want to think the best of people..or because then I know I will be let down. It would not be unlike me to fit in the 2nd one. Anyways. So i always think he is going to do something and he never would, then I would feel sad. Whatever this explanation is going nowhere. 

It wasn’t really anything drastic until last week. He is just so unemotional sometimes that I question if he would care if I wasn’t in his life anymore. Apparently this thought should have just stayed where it was..obviously he got really mad when I said it out-loud. So yeah we were up til like 3 talking that night..it was kind of scary.

Don’t get me wrong. I love him so much. I just feel that I get/got taken advantage of by a lot of people, and I want to make sure that doesn’t happen anymore. Seriously though. If he asked me, i would say yes..without hesitation. I already know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him..that is is my other half..I can’t go into that anymore because I feel I have already said enough about my feelings towards that boy. But I felt like I had to take a stand..stand up for myself or something to make sure we were on the same page. What? Yeah maybe tihs is why couldn’t really start this entry. So unsure of how to work things.

on to the good stuff. Sunday is our 1 year. I can’t believe this year. I can’t believe how I found him..the feelings that i have..for real. eekks. I get butterflies when I think about all of that stuff. I can write it all the time and think it all the time …say it to him and I still get it. I made him set a limit on how much we should spend. He thought this was weird. I mean i thought my hopes were high before..then he had to go set it at 200$…imagine what they are now lol i just ordered his today…spent way over…but I couldn’t help it. then I have to ask myself if a limit was even necessary lol such a goon.

hot dog.

I dont even know what else I can write about now. it felt good to get this confusing bunch of thoughts out though

This is what real feels like.