Don’t be bitter

It is really hard for me to not go over the top with things, especially gifts/birthdays. but this year I held back. Why? Because my birthday was not celebrated and I still have yet to get a present. I know gifts are petty things to some people, but please…who doesn’t like getting a gift on their birthday?! Who doesn’t like getting celebrated on that day? Yeah.

Well tomorrow/today is Josh’s 26th…I had Bose headphones, a 3DS, and a couple other things in my Amazon cart (NOT all of them at the same time) but I had to part with all of those ideas. This boy needs to…learn? I don’t mean that how it sounds..but I can’t keep over doing things and not getting them back in return because it makes it more sad when it doesn’t happen. I am UNsetting myself up for disappointment. He didn’t even write on my stupid fb. IT’S FINE. LET IT GO. You are 25 and should be able to let this crap go.

ANYWAYS

The big..HUGE development in my life is that I have decided to apply to the CIA. The Culinary Institute of America. Pretty much the Harvard of culinary schools. This is 100% what I want to do with my life, so what the hell am I doing here at St. Cloud state? Yeah..the CIA is in New York. Has that not been my dream since like…forever?

now is the time. I am not married, I don’t have kids, and Idont have a house.

Yeah, what about Josh and I, right?

I don’t know. But I know that I need to start putting myself first. I have let a lot of things pass me by..and I don’t regret them because they ultimately led me to him and other things, but I still think about the "what ifs" every once in awhile.

I want him to come with me oh so badly, but I don’t think he wants to move across the country. It is something that is going to be discussed a lot. I know though, that if I get it and stay, I will not be happy and will definitely regret it. I dont want to end up resenting him or anyone for me staying…so if I get in…I am going. *please remind me of that in the fall*

I just wanted to get this in here.

I heart OD…always here to listen 🙂