and it finally stopped.

Last night was such a blur. I have been going over it in my head today, trying to piece things together.

Skorpian had a party, and I brought Rick and Carl with me. I had planned on having people over, but I forgot that Skorpian was, So when they showed up at my house we decided to head over there. I actually didnt want to go over there, but it turned out to be really fun.

People kept puring things onto my bottle, and I felt a hell of a lot more drunk then I thought I was. I seriously dont think I drank that much.

I got dropped off, and was ready to pass out. I guess somewhere in that chunk of time Jimmy had called and said he was ony his way over. I was so ready to pass out, but he actually showed up about 5 minutes after I got home.

Things get a little fuzzy here. I am guessing a lot was said…and a lot was not said. We had sex, and I realized this when I woke up with no clothes on, condoms on the floor, and alone.

I pulled myself out of bed and went to work..

I came home, watched season 6 of Sex and the City, which was fantastic by the way.

Erik called and invited me to go with them down to the U..but I turned it down. I was to ashamed to talk to him..and i knew i couldn’t face him.

Nothing is official with Erik and I, and who knows if it ever will be. I guess I am just more ashamed of myself, and I can’t believe he cameover and after seeimg how obviously drunk I was, still thought it was ok to have sex with me.

Used. Again.

Never. Again.

After I hung up with him, I forced out tears, only like 3 but still.

After my mini waterworks show, I started thinking. there was a period in my life (a long period) where anything could make me cry…anything. And now here I am bot being able to cry, and for some reason I am thinking there is something wrong with that. HELLO!?!

The truth being, I have had nothing to cry about, or feel sad about.

so tonight is just for me. I am going to do nothing, and be by myself. I cant remember a night where I havent gone out. And I need one.

in other news, roseville fridays called today offering me a job..

but I gotta go, shit