Until Today

I would have said there was improvement. I made a concerted effort to get up and move, to take my medication, to take my vitamins. I was feeling better; more even-keeled.

Today, Sean and I were supposed to have a date day. This stemmed from me asking last week because I feel like we haven’t really connected lately. So, he woke up at noon. Took an hour to actually wake up. Showered and puttered. Wanted sex. Then took me out to lunch – which I paid for – and told me we were going to run errands separately tonight.

Great date night.

He also then told me that Tim was coming by again tomorrow – for the fourth Wednesday in a row.

I told him I was tired of being ignored. He wants to spend all this time with Tim because Tim is leaving for Minnesota in a few weeks, and I get that. I don’t have a problem with Tim; I actually quite like him. But he’s dropping me in favor of spending time with him, and when Tim’s not around he talks about him constantly.

I’m so tired of being dead last in his life. Needless to say, we’re not having a date tonight…like it was ever actually going to happen in the first place.

I hate this. It makes me question if we’re right for each other at all. To see Sean’s look of envy when Tim talks about all the girls he’s sleeping with, and to have to sit there and take that good-naturedly…. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of seeing the random girls he’s making friends with talk to and about him constantly. And I’m tired of him telling me there’s nothing going on with him when it’s fucking obvious that *something* is. I’m not dumb.

More and more, I’m grateful that I’m socking away money. Just in case. I’m grateful for this growing apart, because then maybe it won’t hurt so badly when things do finally end. And I’m grateful that I am strong enough to handle this and move on with my life. Because if there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that.