I Don’t Know Why

You’ve gotta be so angry all the time.

This won’t be easy for me to write or say, and I know that going in.

I haven’t been myself lately. At all.

I’m scatter-brained, which is weird in and of itself. But the worst part is, I’ve become apathetic to others. And not just strangers. My friends. I’ve become apathetic and vindictive, remembering every old slight and letting it dictate how I behave now…. Things that were under the bridge, things that didn’t even *bother* me at the time.

I don’t know if it’s the combination of a new anti-depressant (thanks, Aetna! I loathe my new insurance) and the influx of hormones from taking BC pills again or what.

I hate it. I hate being angry and unmotivated. I hate being exhausted. I hate that I’m breaking out like I never did when I was a teenager. I get so angry at all of it; fist-clenching, teeth-grinding angry.

Something isn’t right.

I know I need therapy. And I know I need it sooner rather than later.

Now if my loathesome insurance could just get back to me, I could start trying to find someone who is a good fit…