YOU – the (physically) insecure woman – STOP IT!!

        I can appreciate that the media environment fosters an atmosphere which seems to tell you that your appearance isn’t ideal, or that somebody else has the features toward which you should endeavor.   There’s just more to it than that, and while everybody else is out there ‘living’, (we) are too easily affected by what is surely more so our own psychology than it is any real or perceived-by-us imperfections.

        The media’s impact is and figures to be more prominent upon those who just moved here from Mars, or who just packed up and moved halfway across the country alone, than it is on the vast majority of everybody else.  When your world doesn’t have a healthy number of people to interact with, you’re undoubtedly more susceptible to the media’s impact on your self image.  When you’re busied by the need for picking out life’s immediate path then there isn’t as much time to be affected by the media’s seeming tournament toward seeking human perfection.  You’ve heard of "March Madness", right?  Well the media’s tournament is "12-month madness".   The only people you tend to see on TV repeatedly are those who have passed through dozens or hundreds of prior rounds of that perfection tournament, no matter that they have many more rounds to go.

        A chance encounter with an old friend recently left me further in awe of how appealing her aging and overweight-if-you-had-to-be-technical body really is.  If the likes of many of you saw this woman, you’d see an "older" woman with a rather full torso, perhaps from childbirth, in the way you might view the same in one of your mother’s friends.  But I can’t fully describe just how attractive this same woman is, to me.  She does have quite pronounced curves, and I’d love to know her intimately, but the center of her appeal is who she is and what she represents in my eyes.

        But you can’t just get to that overnight, or by browsing through a magazine and seeing a two-dimensional image only briefly.  I had to invest some of myself in this woman beginning long ago, in order to develop the complete awe I feel for her now.  I’m offering this at OD because my image here is surely that of somebody who prefers fucking ripe and young physical specimens to the deeper and more sentimental bliss which is rooted in past connections known to each of us.  I get how easy it is for readers to think I’m driven by an eagerness to cull the latest harvest of new and willing young adults for blissful sexual encounters, at the expense of most or all other social priorities.  Some of that imagery is what works best in this diary, but the reality is that I too am fiercely loyal inside to the importance and meaning given to people introduced to my mind and psyche long ago.

         The thing is, when you’re a single girl, having just moved here from Mars or from a half-continent away,  you can’t so easily call upon your cherished past investments for the ‘value-added’ appeal they represent.  If you’re me, you can browse "Backpage" to find a young and willing fucktoy who needs money, and who will consent to fuck me for a price.  If you’re the aforementioned single girl, you can lament your singleness while drowning your sorrows in a magazine, while allowing it to remind you of the reasons you believe yourself to not be good enough.

         What’s missing in your life, at least here on earth, or half the continent from home, are those investments people always make.  They are the people you once babysat, the classmates you once knew, the neighbors you once had and most importantly the deep and wonderful memories you retain!  Those comprise the many directions in which you’d like to keep investing IF ONLY life would let it be easy to do just that.  Well first of all, with the online world all around us, it is much easier to renew old investments today than was ever the case before, back when you had to pen a letter and affix a stamp.  The Facebook frame of mind facilitates so doing perhaps like nothing ever before it.  Yet its still up to you to renew and strengthen old and current investments, and to more fully consider some of your choices in the present as you form the foundations of what will evolve to be important investments in the future.

         It can’t be ideal that initial encounters/investments with some people take place when one or both sides has rendered him/herself barely cognizant of the foundation of said investment via alcohol, drugs, or even fatigue.   It surely isn’t ideal when the initial investments we make today happen in environs which aren’t reflective of our true standards, and which might find us having invested too much too soon in unsavory people.  So we do have choices in the matter, but it still makes sense to focus more on the investments you are constantly making in others, than on the size of your ass, the sag of your breasts, or the perceived-by-you superior appeal of some young tart who lives next door.

         There’s just something about the human mind which tends to bring it back every time toward high valuation of those it has known the soothing familiarity of investing in over time, and as deeply as is allowed, vs. those who might be mere fucktoys on the grand scale of life.

         I can sit here and recall vividly the touch and feel of the 20yo firmness on the last girl I fucked, and I can admire her foxy and unique areolas in photos anytime I want to.  It would just make you all laugh to know how much I’d prefer the sexual company of the older, fuller and far more familiar presence who was my recent chance encounter.

         Every element of the older woman’s presence… her graying hair, her aging face (both ‘different’, and uniquely familiar), and ample curves which were not so pronounced long ago…  causes my mind to

drift to a place of complete comfort and content the likes of which the young 20yo simply could not facilitate.  That no matter the tan complexion, the firm feel of the 20yo’s skin, the ‘willing’ element to her sexual-company-for-sale, or the clench of her kegel muscles in the heat of the moment.  All of that simply pales when compared to that which I know, personally… comfortably…

        And this is me! – the very guy who has to so many here seemed the epitome of raw male sexual taste and desire for sexual youth and ideal-seeming female body parts.

        So in a nutshell, its all about investing yourself more fully in the human elements in the world around you, paying most attention to knowing investments over greater lengths of time.  Staying in the same schools is most ideal, over the long run.  Babysitting the same kids is perhaps preferable to the seeming variety-in-the-moment that would be babysitting a different family each night of the week.  Maintaining the same circles of friends over the longest time, is most ideal – but that demands that some attention be paid to choosing and then respecting those friendships you forge.

        Oh how I wish I could post photos of both the nude form of the last prostitute I visited, and the clothed form of the chance encounter I had in real life not long ago.  I know that some would still have me prefer the youthful firmness of the former, but I can’t even waiver from my strong convictions about wishing my arms were wrapped tightly around the latter.  I don’t even daydream in depth about sexual climax with the long-time investment – I just yearn for the complete comfort I would feel with her wrapped in my arms.