What you could “get” from porn NOTES EDIT:

The plethora of internet porn available for free strangely causes me to be less urgent about making good use of it.  This isn’t like it was back in the day when as a kid I’d be riding my bike along some random street and would notice a discarded copy of "Stag" or some other, similar periodical of the time (when opportunity knocked back then, one needed to answer the door).  Pornography and the consumption thereof used to seem as unique as a fingerprint, in that ‘Miss October’ was made to seem more important and more attractive than she may have been, just because it might be many months before one glimpsed another photo of a naked female.  True there was the local merchant who had no qualms about selling girlie magazines to select 15yo regulars in the neighborhood, but it was still just an occasional purchase.

These days there is far more porn online and available free and conveniently than any one person could ever live to cover.  The categories are quite specific in many cases and it doesn’t take long for porn-seekers of various genres to zero-in on just the kind of online porn they like.  I tend to be fairly vanilla in my porn tastes while I don’t mind visiting and revisiting the same, cover-all sites over and over again (only varying the direction I take once there, nearly every time).

The categories are endless:   "Amateur", "Teen", "Hairy", "Asian", "Indian", "Thai", "Mature", "Celebrity", "College Girls", "Caught!", "Teacher", "Interracial", "Point of View", "Skinny", "Anal", "Old-Young", "Blowjob", "Natural Boobs", "(Riding the city)Bus",  along with a couple of my favorites:  "Casting" and (the ever popular) "Creampie".

But the category which jarred me into having something to say here is that of "Perfect".   Obviously the word "perfect" is a subjective term, but basically anybody who uses the label of "perfect" to describe a woman pictured in porn before then supplying that porn to the large porn centers online is likely to land that woman’s pictures in the "Perfect" category.  The implication being that her genetic make-up is quite exceptional and that one might have to spend extra time to notice any significant beauty flaws on such a person.  Now of course, to some, one can’t be "perfect" if she happens to have a certain color hair, or a certain sized butt, or breasts that are too…(whatever).

It struck me recently as I was browsing through the "Perfect" category at my favorite porn website (of the moment)… that there was exactly nothing which was causing me to stop and click on any of the videos there.  Now of course I might have clicked if one of them looked significantly like my next door neighbor, or like the woman I see at Starbucks a few mornings each week, but no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t find reason to click on any of those videos (even though it was ‘naked women’ in the traditional fashion).

I just conducted the same study again, for the purposes of emphasizing the point I’m about to make.  I browsed the thumbnails of perhaps 100 or more porn videos each in the "Perfect" category… and I just zipped right by, with no particular inspiration to watch any of the videos.  What seems so obvious to me is that almost none of the faces shown there have enough ‘character’ to draw my interest.  Granted most of those faces have the impressive symmetry we’ve come to associate with/near "perfection", and I’m sure they’re all capable of fucking with the best of partners.  It’s just… the eye seems to slide right onto their faces, and nothing unique about those faces ‘captures’ a viewer’s eye and makes him want to stay.

So what I’m trying to say is this:     YOU… with your freckles, with your big butt, with your boobs you think to be too small (yeah, especially YOU), with the bump that has always been on your nose, with the hair you call "dishwater blond", with the thighs that nobody else ever notices, but which you think are ‘fat’, with the hips you’re sure are a ‘curse’ offered by your mom’s family, with the little ‘tummy’ you think you have… it is veeeeeeeeeeeeeeery likely to be just those characteristics that make you most interesting to the eyes of most who pass before you.  I can’t say enough about  things I considered as I was passing-over those seemingly "perfect" specimens on those videos.  I wanted a "cuteness" instead of "perfection", and I wanted a bit of shy-turned-boldness rather than to perceive somebody who merely understood her ideal genetics and didn’t mind showing them to the world.

Let me admit that had those reputedly "perfect" women seemed to be doing something a little bit unique, or near to outrageous, they would have had a better chance of winning my "click".   Yet when the drawing card to those specific videos is merely optimized facial symmetry on a woman in a standard sex scene then there just isn’t anything of great interest to land me there vs. my continuing through the rest of the online porn realm.

If we measured facial symmetry and then applied a grade of  A through E to each individual before applying a "bell curve" where the top of the bell, in this case, represents the sharpest symmetry, and the least degrees of symmetry off to one edge or the other, of the bell, it is my strong feeling that, while everyone kept shooting and wishing for the very center of the ideal-symmetry category, the humans who would garner the greatest amounts of attention/praise from others would be those in a range just off to either side of ‘ideal’.  It just seems as if we need something ‘unique’ to take the most interest in another person merely for physical reasons.

Another way to communicate what I’m trying to say is through an imaginary line-up of all of the women on earth… each naked and side-by-side ordered based on how big their butts are, and facing away from a group of judgmental male reviewers!  It stands to reason that the most ‘ideal’-seeming butts would be in the very middle of that line, and you can be sure that the butts there would each be little slices of heaven indeed.  YET I have a strong feeling that true male preference would cluster significantly off to either side of dead-center, seeming to indicate a likeness for a butt that is either a bit larger than the perceived ideal, or a bit smaller than the perceived ideal.  Again, we tend to yearn for something unique when looking only at the appearances of others.  (and butts, for their considerable similarity, don’t give us many characteristics to utilize in searching for uniqueness )

And I can’t help thinking that all of the drama about online porn, especially how women all over the world are known to protest its use by their partners, is very much overblown as well as partially misunderstood.  If instead of the mating process we undergo during most of our lives, humans were all told to expect a presen

t under the tree at age 18, and that person would become your spouse while you’d never see another naked human, then the men looking at their naked female spouses would enjoy doing so far less than they do in our modern world.  In the modern world the vast selection of internet porn represents that long line of female butts standing in order from largest to smallest, in that the porn all around us makes for a backdrop against which we can gain some sense for normal, typical, and average.  I think the male eye is predisposed to seeing those nearer to it as being closer to ‘ideal’ than might a fully objective and impartial onlooker.  Additionally I think some of these little psychological wonders cause us to be more content with the individuals who share our lives.

I’ve read all of the testimonials by women who won’t give-up the protest of porn… and about how porn represents "perfection" and how "real women" just can’t measure up.  Now I grant you that if one could really take a computerized model of the dead-center of average dimensions for all of the women in online porn, and then create from it just one human specimen – then that woman would indeed likely be more attractive than is most anybody who ever looked at her.  But this largely female notion of thinking she needs to have her hair in cornrows just because Miss December had her hair in cornrows, and that she needs a tummy-tuck just because Miss June has a very flat stomach, aaaaaaaand that she needs a boob job just because Miss July is a 36C cup and the viewer is only a B cup – that notion is crazy thinking!

So many people just can’t understand that even if they are given the opportunity to be in any spot in the world, they can still only be in ONE spot!  If you wake-up each morning with a new idea on how to repackage yourself as someone else… you just can’t ever complete the task of becoming that other person!  Your whole life would instead become a fancy exercise at chasing your own tail.  Sometimes I wonder if women, whose minds gen-er-al-ly prefer different stimuli than do male minds, are willing to consider the small details involved in both human evolution and in my scattered thoughts above.

There’s something there…  something to it…  and ultimately it translates to women not generally giving themselves enough credit for being their unique selves and for already being in one spot out there on earth’s playing field.

Consider how you always believed that your ‘soulmate’ was the one who sat near you in English, (never mind that you never said ‘boo’ to him).  In the same way that you were supposed to figure-out back then that one’s "soulmate" has as much chance of being at Long John Silver’s in Tennessee as he does of being in your English class, you’re supposed to ‘get’ that it is certainly OK, and often beneficial to have those seeming ‘flaws’ you’re always so self-conscious about.  Those flaws are doing more for you than you are willing to see or understand, and the same might be said for pornography.

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Notes edit: 

Received notes from a diarist who is on friends-only, and who had questions: 

Except.. You seem to contradict yourself.

If men are ‘predisposed to ideal’, then how would they ‘appreciate the psychological wonders that cause us to be more content with the individuals who share our lives’?

I think you really had to doctor this to take it that far out of context. Very clearly I wrote: "I think the male eye is predisposed to seeing those (women, lets say) (who exist in real life) nearer to (said eye) as being (more attractive in general) than might a fully objective and impartial onlooker (rate the level of attractiveness of the same person)".

(trying a new angle) OK, lets pretend that all women were baseball players past and present. You can only have one uniform number – we don’t want your uniform to be blank on the back, but the exact number doesn’t matter too much to us – so pick a number just to have one. Your batting average… not everybody can bat .367 like Ty Cobb, and nobody can bat 1.000, and we know that. We want you to be optimistic as that bat boy hands you your bat, and you head for the on-deck circle. We want to feel confident that you’re giving your best, and that you believe in yourself. If so far your career average is .272… then we tend to expect that of you, and it really helps to have some sort of a (place where you ARE, so that we can maintain some sense of you). We know that others around the league have higher batting averages. Sometimes you have a fantastic week, in which you go 12-for-20 at the plate, and we’re particularly in awe of you that week. Any woman who has gone to a baseball game with a true male baseball fan knows how significant "batting averages" are to such fans.

The batting average is a mathematical representation used most typically to compare to all others. IF we took the background of all others away, then your .272 batting average (or the curve of your hip, the cut of your eyebrows, or the fullness of your ass) wouldn’t mean as much to us because .272 would go from a relative term to a purely random and meaningless piece of data!

If you’re the supposed hot babe who goes to hotornot.com and is afforded perfect "10.0" scores every time there… then THAT becomes your standard, and we evolve to expect that over and over again – and it gets boring very quickly because you can’t have an ‘upside’ from that point. In lots of ways it would be so exciting to be around the woman there with the 5.8 score who put up a new photo (of the very same ‘her’) and started getting steady 7.0 ratings. (and yes, I know that can be easily accomplished by merely sharing a bit more cleavage on hotornot.com)

I like reading what you have to say, but, I have to be skeptical- as far as I can tell, you’re a single male who likes to bang a lot of chicks because you haven’t found just one to be content with yet. What makes you different from any other male? What makes your going out and screwing a lot of women different from a man who looks for other women to screw (via porn)? In the end, it all appears the same – dissatisfaction.

I just wonder how many ‘chicks’ I would bang given completely free opportunity to do so. One thing about the prostitution business is that it keeps churning out brand new participants while at the same time taking others off the table, perhaps/hopefully for reasons of their progressing forward in life. SO for that reason I don’t really have any control over the opportunity to continue to ‘bang’ the same chicks. It is largely a function of circumstance that I’ve banged "lots of different chicks".

I don’t think you are allowing for the very realities which are my life, and which have conspired to limit me considerably in the real-world social arenas which most women socialize in every

weekend or every month. I’m very glad to even have the opportunity to know at least some physical intimacy via paid means when the alternative is to never even know the intimate physical touch of a woman. My thoughts are still all aflutter over the working girl described in my last entry – I can barely imagine anybody getting to know intimacy with someone so physically exceptional… and the completely stirring surprise with her was just how down-to-earth and accommodating she was, even to me. I mean, hoooooooooooooooooow did I ever get a chance to kiss those lips… over, and over, and over again?? (sigh – and I can’t really even brag about it – except to you)

I’m too old now to get angry that my husband looks at porn. He does and he will, and it’s a fact that I have to either with live and accept, or not accept. We get along well enough otherwise that I suppose my endless insecurity is a small price to pay. I really wish, though, that the whole comparison game wasn’t even an issue. I would be completely dissatisfied with my spouse if I was constantly comparing his every feature to that of every other man. I don’t know how you guys do it and stay sane.

This last paragraph further underscores just a fully acceptable, yet different way of being intrigued by the world which surrounds us, between men and women. I’m really sad about your "endless insecurity"… moreso the "endless" part. I ‘get’, strongly, from your words, that you both see (if not ‘accept’) that men do this comparison, and that you yourself don’t do it (to parallel extremes).

It really is OK, too, that for the most part men are far more drawn to batting averages, stock market data, and the sports page (full of statistics). Nobody thinks of women as being bad, or somehow "less" for merely taking no interest in such things. Speaking of interest: the website at Pinterest exudes elements of female interests which are not shared by men, and we don’t really knock women for those interests, nor do they "surprise" us at all. It really is OK that male and female minds are drawn to different things in some ways, while sharing other interests in similar fashion.

If the backdrop of other women (and to considerable extent, porn) weren’t around, then you’d have a batting average but it just wouldn’t mean very much to the male mind which thirsts for detail. Hair color, ear lobes, noses, calves and hips wouldn’t mean as much either if nobody else were around. Pinterest wouldn’t be much of a draw to women if every female there had the same photos ‘pinned’ at her site, if all the wedding cakes were the same, if all the wedding venues were the same, and if all of the china patterns were the same.

I must ask, though – and please, be absolutely frank with me – IS it going to drive the typical married man crazy eventually? Always looking, but never getting to touch. Always having to settle for the woman he married?

SHOULD I be proactive – work out more, keep my body more toned and tight? When my breasts finally sag past the point that we can ignore it, should they get lifted? Would Botox be a wise investment as the years drag on?

Yeah, yeah, blah blah blah, he loves me and "none of that should matter" – I’m not asking for pretty words – my husband feeds me enough of that garbage, I want to know the truth.

If you’re asking whether internet porn in general is going to somehow have a truly discernable, pronounced effect ON men in general, in the scientific studies of the future – I don’t know. Do I feel that men are at all likely to "go crazy" as individuals over their seeming so truly far away from the women in porn – NO.

Right now, while writing this – and never before – it dawns on me that the woman described in my last entry is so attractive that I can barely fathom any of the starlets of porn being more satisfying to look at, whether they remain on the pages of porn, or leap out of my computer and into my lap. (and no, I don’t say that about most of the women I’ve known sexually)

I’ll tell you something else, though… that if you were buying, and if it were possible for me to have the option of selecting for sex that woman from the last entry, OR the widely-revered-by-all-here "favorite prostitute" from the beginning of this diary… I’d opt for the session with that favorite girl from long ago… no matter that she’s well over a decade older than the last girl. She meant a whole lot to me, and while I’m sure some of her curves may be a tiny bit different today, what’s inside would be worth so much in memories that to be with her would be truly FUN like no pornstar could match. And no matter what a handful have said here over the years, it is not, and was never anything close to "love" (I’m far more logical than that)… but that woman was the master of finding the way to be herSELF as she sold to me her sexual favors and intimate company. She was herSELF, and pretty impressively comfortable at that!

As to your final questions: I have the instinct that there is an unsurprising correlation between those who are truly comfortable as "themselves" and those who DON’T need to "work out more, keep their bodies toned and tight, get a breast lift, or get botox". But boy, when you are drawn too far over that line of ‘thinking you need to be somebody else’… then somehow scores of poor personal choices seem to snowball.

I know that you and some women want to think that some of those (occasionally absurd-seeming) steps you listed represent the barriers between you in the present and being comfortable as "yourself"… but that isn’t the "yourself" I’m talking about – that is effectively "somebody else".

I think if you master the person inside, the outside will indeed take care of itself. A lot of people have batted .272 over a lifetime in the major leagues, and they were just fine when they put on a ‘confidence’ as they approached the on-deck circle.