Some of the odd parts of Open Diary over time

It has been a long while here at OD and during that time I’ve seen the population of the website dwindle from a state of true popularity to a mere shell of its former self. The greatest outflow of diarists happened after the big hacker experience of 2004 and this place hasn’t been the same since.

We are currently home to 269,798 online diaries and blogs. There are 4,670 diarists online now, reading, writing, and blogging.

These days the number of diaries listed on the front page of OD is entirely fictitious and a ploy to suggest to advertisers that many more "unique visitors" hit this site than is the actual case. The hacker attack of 2004 happened in what seems like late August or early September and it caused some diarists to lose their entire diaries. Others, like me, lost only the entries between late June of 2004 and late August of 2004.

Can’t remember what content I lost but I recall being thankful that the span of the hacker casualties hadn’t been just a bit wider. There was one entry that I loved which was spared in the wreckage.

Other OD experiences I’ve known included one where an OD acquaintance somehow took it upon herself to imagine that I had sent an "e-card" to some random adversary of hers, for what reason I could never conceive. Years later she began a note to me: "I think I owe you an apology…".

Still another experience was when I discovered a diary in which a twenty-something woman in the prime of her life had shared the painful step-by-step realization and confirmation that she had indeed contracted Herpes (though not near her Vulva – but somewhere near her pantyline). I recall chancing upon her diary and being so drawn to learning from her saddening experience.

The woman’s entries were so honest, and personal, and authentic, as well as in-the-moment… She was anonymous, for the most part, so it was an understandable effort that saw her putting words to OD for the benefit of could-be readers. Anyway, during exactly one day, and prior to twelve hours after I first found her diary, the silly woman decided I was a "stalker".

My seeming offense had been simply noting with sincere appreciation on some of the more poignant entries in her diary as I read along. She also made note of the times of my notes and, from my having returned to her diary twice in the same day, the woman believed that I’d been at her diary for eight hours or something like that.

She was so pained when believing that her social life was ruined by the STD she acquired, but I’m happy to report that the woman has since married and moved to another state.

Perhaps the most sensational tale I’ve ever known at OD was the much talked about "Brandee" episode in which a supposedly mid-twenties woman wrote mostly to titillate others as she amassed 30,000 notes more quickly than anybody else could imagine. Presumably she wrote about her real life and real experiences, going so far as to meet other female OD’ers who lived in her region for various get-togethers.

Later she effectively seduced a male OD’er from across the country into a seemingly intense internet affair. Eventually she lured the OD man to her side of the country for a visit and upon answering the door at his hotel room he found that this supposedly 25-or-so "Brandee" was really a married soccer mom in her late 30’s.

So what does the OD man do? He invites "Brandee" in and then has a good time fucking her only before telling her: "I think you’d better leave now". Hard to tell, between the two of them, who was more humiliated. I especially love the part where he decided she was good enough to fuck before he sent her away to resent what she’d done.

Meanwhile those in her circle of female OD friends had a fine time outing miss "Brandee" (who used various diary names including "Naughty Angel", "Brandee101") even though the number one rule at Open Diary at that time was "anonymity".

That’s another problem that continues to plague OD – the fact that the rules change just about every other week, or so it seems. Imagine this diary having been here not far from ten years, and having seldom warranted a second look from those who would police diaries. (has anyone ever heard of "The Diary Police"?) (Maybe they don’t understand what a "diary" entails)

Now, suddenly, this diary has repeatedly been the target of being censored despite many other diarists all around the community going as far or further with subject matter and only being encouraged to keep going while in full view of everyone.

Once upon a time there was a webcam experience with a young (and barely legal) OD’er which has been documented both at my OD and at her OD. I still recall her fresh-faced spirit so many years later, and I keep up with her evolution through life from afar and know that she is in a relationship with a guy who shares some of her personal passions. I think I’ve seen a couple of other diarists on webcam but it has been a number of years since any of those encounters took place.

Still my favorite experience inspired to date by OD has been befriending a young woman of about 20 who evolved to boldly disclose the fact that her father began sexually abusing her at age 7 and was still to that day raping her whenever he got the chance. She was so scared, and so bold, and so honest. I’m sure she’d been threatened about the terrible things that might happen if she ever told a soul, yet she still managed to unburden herself and to be so honest down to the core of her pain.

The woman balked time and again at the idea of going to the authorities but still confided often that it was somehow better that she had someone in whom she could confide, sometimes only minutes after she’d been raped yet again.

Especially remarkable about that woman is that she is absolutely gorgeous to look at, with beauty of the sort that inspires the human mind to imagine that nothing so terrible could ever happen to such a person. Of course that’s wrong, but I’m guessing she walks and lives in a world where NObody ever suspects that she of all people has been affected by something so horrible.

I have reassured that woman in many, many ways over time, and she has finally moved out of the house and away from dad’s immediate clutches but she still lives nearby, and dear old dad occasionally comes a calling, particularly when he’s been drinking.

After many weeks or months of listening to that young woman, I started to get the sense that there was much more affecting her life in the present than that which she had let on. As I recited the clues the woman was very brave in daring to let me in on so much more.

She has had to juggle this terrible sexual torture with trying to date and mate in the real world and needless to say there have been mixed results. One day she told of wanting her then boyfriend to know of her sexual past, and of not being able to bring herself to say the words herself. She alone hatched the idea that she would one day bring him to the computer and then I would tell him everything while she "retreat

ed to her bedroom and tried to die".

In preparation for that encounter I wrote everything out so much that it took a full 30 minutes for me to simply cut and paste it all for him. She told me later that she’d been watching the clock (tick slowly) during the time I was letting her boyfriend in on all of this sad story.

At the end of my effort I gave him a special word to use when returning to her and although she’d been determined not to cry, hearing that special word just inspired the tears to flow as her boyfriend held her close in silence.

(the word wasn’t related to sexual abuse or to anything related at all – it was just a g-rated slang term that she’d never heard before I used it as we chatted one night. She later told of some random woman in her world at the time having used the same term while talking with her.)

I’m sure she was right about her boyfriend needing to know about her sexual past, and how her father’s abuses turned what would be one of the most sought-after girls in any school into somebody with a highly-sexed reputation (even though nobody around knew the secret).

I miss a great number of past OD’ers, most of whom were for a time quite passionate about keeping up their diaries. Each represents a life story that has, for me, just ended abruptly and I miss the chance to know how they evolved past the struggles and hurdles in their worlds concurrent with their active days at OD.

Sometimes people find their way back to OD, and somehow most can recall my diary name and I do hear from some oldies but goodies now and again. (hint: part of the wisdom in never changing your diary name)

A recent blast from the OD past is a young woman who has both a young lifetime of tawdry experiences and an impressive mind capable of sharing them and documenting some of her personal growth for anyone in her OD audience. Probably yet another attractive woman who was victimized from a very young age and whose internal struggles are almost entirely invisible to her many real-world admirers. This woman recently returned to OD to find her diary still here after a year or more of her absence. She’s been making up for lost time and in addition she really impressed me of late by starting to see a therapist on a regular basis, perhaps as partial result of my inspiration.

I go through stages where it concerns picking up working girls. Other things in life are more important, for the most part, but once I take a strong enough liking to someone, and find them available fairly steadily, then sometimes I can’t keep myself away.

The most recent girl I’ve been with, as reported here, is someone whose comfortable company is far more enticing to me than might be the nicest form on the street corner up ahead. I just don’t need grand looks or particular body parts when someone who seems comfortable with both her body and her sexuality is willing to share each for a stated price. Such prospects might be all around but there is something to be said for knowing who and where they are.

This has been mindsetofaJohn, keeping you all updated.