One of my OD faves has bulimia
Not long ago I began to follow the diary of a young woman who has evolved to write daily of various food stuffs which she "purged", and of how difficult it is to go out to eat with her family and then, somehow, "get rid of" the food she just ate while not being detected by family members.
Her weight, at present, and after a recent reduction, is 126. Though I don’t know for sure how tall she is, I don’t think it matters too terribly much at "126" (and yes, I know "126" has different connotations if you’re 4′ 9" than if you’re 5′ 11"). A few days ago she directed readers to her "Tumblr" account on which there are so many photos I couldn’t even hope to view them all. Every single one of the photos I saw, going back nine or ten pages, were of various, exceptionally-thin women usually model-like in appearance.
This young woman just can’t understand her own beauty and I know it is futile to try to point it out to her using the pure logic to which I so often resort. Even though males are the ones who usually assess various things in life using data, numbers, and statistics, while women take a deep, visual breath and know a different form of appeal… this situation/OD encounter tends to blur those respective roles. The diarist of which I write is hell-bent on moving from that "126" downward toward some number she associates with the waifs all over her website. The males all around her surely want "randomness" and "uniqueness" in the splendid array of young women all around them.
Few things would make this young woman more attractive in the present than would a backdrop of only those waif-like figures to which she aspires. That she can’t understand this seems so frustrating to me. As I was contemplating what to say in this entry I chanced upon a new entry written by a sometimes-muse who happened to mention being so often told of her physical beauty that she is developing an aversion to the eventual aging process and concerns for a future time when she doesn’t hear praise for her beauty repeated as often as now. That woman is approaching age 30 and finds herself extra-conscious of elements of her appearance evolving through time as the result. (I suggested: "lets get you through your sexual peak before we start worrying about that stuff")
The first, much younger girl has an awesome face matched with great hair and hasn’t exactly hinted completely as to the rest of her appeal. I’m already certain that she fits wonderfully as being "random" among the array of others her age, and I’m quite sure that her male admirers are numerous in her community.
It just seems there is no way to effectively communicate to her that she is doing herself great harm, and that sooner or later her body is going to revolt against her in considerable ways. I recall an old OD favorite telling of fingernails falling out, and of monthly cycles either disappearing or becoming woefully inconsistent. (yes, I know, some of you wouldn’t mind not having your periods… but "inconsistency" that way is perhaps the worst thing for a young "socialite")
My best advice has been that the young woman muster the courage to see a school counselor and bravely fess-up to her dangerous eating habits in a way of getting help before she does herself further harm. I know that the person who can go through with such a thing is the rarest of breeds. In a recent photo she posted at OD I observed that her face "looks like a healthy Mary Kate Olsen", so the girl surely has plenty going for her in the appearance category.
Unfortunately she is the daughter of divorced parents and finds herself on restriction for a seemingly eternal time period, so perhaps dad’s disciplinary endeavors are giving his daughter far more time to dwell upon her flawed sense of self-image.
I so admire that the young woman has bravely come to OD to at least put her feelings and actions in print before her eyes but I feel rather helpless with regard to being able to say anything at all that will inspire her to see herself differently. I sort of want to ask what will happen, or who she feels will see her differently, if one day she awakens to find that she suddenly has the razor-thin body of the waif models in her picture collection.
She did a video entry the other day, and clearly she has a whole lot of vibrance and other appeal to offer to her OD audience. If she’s really lucky, the seeming severity of her bulimic tendencies has been aggravated a great deal by her being made to spend so much time at home. Hopefully when her social freedoms are restored there may be other things to focus on for somebody who has far more going for her appearance-wise than she seems to be able to figure out.
Clearly there are some things in life which mere logic cannot get around…
It is such a brutal disease and causes so much damage (as you mentioned and more – eg- osteoporosis, losing teeth/damaged teeth, stomach and esophagus ulcers/cancer and strange behaviour). It’s sad. It’s also sad knowing she’ll one day look back at her gorgeous younger self and wish she appreciated how truely beautiful she was.
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I know what you are saying, and being a young woman myself there really is nothing you can really say to make her see what she is doing, unless she feels beautiful and confident the way she is, she will keep trying to achieve it. This is just so sad… I hope that this doesn’t end the way we think it will…
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Also being almost-30 and particularly since pregnancy, I find myself liking (and thus focusing on) parts of my body I always overlooked for my focus on my flaws. I love my lips, my eyes, my legs, my arms… I’ve now developed a personal style and feel over all confident about who I am as a woman. I am more forgiving of myself and it translates into all areas – sex, relationship, friendships
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, motherhood and work. I am still neurotic sometimes but I realise how much of life women miss out on because of an obsession with body image and weight. You’re right; you can’t be present in any situation while that obsession dominates your life. It’s not even rational.
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It’s such a strange disease. I’ve been bulimic for over 10 years, but I go in spurts, and I never do the binge and purge deal. I’ll purge 7-10 times a week for a year, and then stop for 6 months….the older I get the harder it is to do, and the less I want to do it. I haven’t purged in over 2 month now…it’s shitty b/c it doesn’t even help you lose weight. It’s a useless disease….
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Thinking that telling her she’s beautiful will do anything is silly because you’re just judging her looks, and that society values irrational standards of beauty that men are arbiters of is part of the problem. In her mind, at least she has control over what she eats. Eating disorders are so pervasive as girls transition to womanhood, it’s ridiculous. I say, urge her to seek help, link her to a
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to a helpline she can call if you know where she lives. Probably there’s national lines too. http://www.anad.org/
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I feel happier and definitely sexier in my skin at 43 than I ever did at 23. But I know I’m becoming less “visible” everyday and I’d be lying if I said I weren’t ambivalent about that.
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i know who your talking about and it kills me to see her doin this to herself
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hahahaha!! Well, I wasn’t even award that Canada HAD a football team currently…so that would be weird! It was pseudo-relevant, only b/c he’s a Cardinals fan and I’m a Steelers fan…still not cool to show up at my work w/ flowers…it’s like he was trying to “mark his territory”…when it was NEVER his in the first place. lol
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ryn;; Your notes always come across so…. wise.On the topic of the fave of yours whose boyfriend read her diary & it led to all the complications—you raise a good point about whether it’s more of a hinderance or a help to have your significant other page through your diary.For Gus & I, it’s never really been an issue; he knows my diary exists & I write here, and occasionally I’ll read comments to him (like from the entry about our wedding, and the most recent one about our anniversary), but there’s no OMG I WANT TO READ WHAT YOU’RE WRITING from his end.
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John, This is Fortis. I closed both diaries and started a new one. Hope you’ll reconnect back with me. Truly have no idea why you stopped writing to me.
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R: I get nervous anytime I mention anything to do with students or the fact that I’m a teacher on here. I didn’t put anything about my profession until more recently…and it freaks me out! lol I need to go privatize my “salacious” entries, so I’m not as afraid to talk about my “professional” life. lol Guess there’s no happy medium.
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Please stop leaving long notes on my entries. I appreciate the interest you have taken in me; however, the endless comments about my “video” are creepy and inappropriate. Leave. Me. Alone.
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RYN: Could it be because people rarely mention ‘knobbing’ in the USA?
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It can be extremely hard to break out of an eating disorder once it sets in… especially when, as is often the case, the underlying reason for it is something other than just wanting to be thin :/ ryn: haha, just look at the first letter of each word and you’ll get it!
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RYN: I always think that ‘rubbish’ would sound weird in any American accent. Just like ‘awesome’ sounds weird in any British one. But I use it anyway.
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Ryn: awesome song! Xx
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My cousin has bulimia.. I don’t know how to help her. I tried to tell her if she ever needs to talk I’m there for her but she wouldn’t even return my phone calls so I just kind of stopped calling… now we only see each other on holidays, if that.. I feel bad that I’m sitting idly by while she ruins her body, but I don’t know what to do. And her parents are no help, they’re in complete denial. Anyways the real reason I’m stopping by is to respond to your note. I texted Luther that he’s my honey bunches of oats, lol. That’s where the title comes from. 😛
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Hello John…an entry is ready for you in Alazar. I won’t say more – when you’ll come, it’s all there… missed talking to you, btw… XXX Lana
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RYN: Besotted is an excellent word. If I was to be super-British, I’d say it was spiffing. I don’t normally fake it, but he was doing something that hurt and I’ll probably never seen him again anyway.
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RYN: Most guys I know would probably show off a picture of there gf after they had broken up. I kinda believe it won’t happen if they are still exclusive. I guess my point was don’t be surprised if it does happen. I did an FO entry. Would you like to be added to my friends list?
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ryn, it’s never an act
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article on traficking http://www.nytimes.com/2004/01/25/magazine/the-girls-next-door.html?pagewanted=1 Have you seen Lilja 4-ever? Really good Swedish film about a girl who becomes a prostitute. Also check out the French film, House of Tolerance, and watch for the doc The Price of Sex. http://priceofsex.org/
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RYN: Ha. I wrote that first entry seven years ago. My views have definitely changed. I’ve actually surprised myself in how astounding cavalier I can be about sex now a days compared to how I was before.
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I still check in here once in awhile, even if I don’t always post. And you know what’s weird? I thought about you when all this first happened, too, because you were so amused by my support of JoePa. I actually really should write an entry about the events because it has been a very difficult few weeks for me dealing with this.
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steam spewing from my ears lol that is perfect!
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I chalk that entry up to the brainwashing of church and the naive idea that you know everything as a teenager. I’m surprised you went so far back in entries to try to figure me out. I’m not sure it’s even worth it since I’ve done a lot of growing up from when I was 15. Then again, I still have pretty firm opinions. They’re just different opinions now.
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RYN: haha true! Though it’s a quirky symptom that is a pretty good indicator for whether I am b6 deficient or my levels are good. Beats a blood test 🙂
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Hi John, just a notifyier of the Alazar being updated. In your own time, in your own time, nothing urgent there 🙂 be well Lana.
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lol, you definitely think the way I do in some ways, i.e. the coward’s way out. I totally get why you have kept your notes open, it’s a sort of integrity, if you believe in yourself you should not be threatened by what others say right? And keeping all open notes proves that to you and everyone else. I just got tired of the bad feelings that I had to work through as a result of some of those notes, I’d have to go through mental gymnastics of reminding myself that they don’t know the whole story or whatever. Yes it’s the easy way out and the coward’s way. I finally broke down, I don’t have the fortitude and confidence not to be affected at least a little, and while I do sometimes have this niggling sense that my new more pleasant surroundings here is somewhat contrived and false, that I’m living in a bit of a bubble now, for now I am glad that this is a haven without that stress. I do applaud you for sticking to your standard on this though. You get it.
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I’ve been on here 12 solid years, by the way, and this is the first time I’ve blocked anyone. It’s amazing we’ve both been on here almost the same length (nearly the beginning of OD) and never ran into each other before – it used to be such a small community back then, I found myself running into the same people all the time.
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