My responses to a woman’s commitment ponderances
OD’er whose nickname includes "got milk" ponders "What makes (men) buy the cow?"
(I truly couldn’t resist! )
The fact that the OD’er who pondered that very topic is young and attractive was merely icing on the cake as I rushed to respond via the following string of notes:
ONE thing you should really consider is the far-reaching importance of this:
"" Is this happening because women are becoming more independent? "" (her words)
Think of how very, very much of everything in modern society is happening for just that reason.
In 2011 (er, well, at least in 2007 – economy)… women no longer need to be tethered to a guy for economic reasons. Since about World War II, women have been prominent in the workplace, and moreso now with each passing decade.
Concurrently, women have become more independent in all ways, and it is just that independence which will eventually lead to women only needing to be in relationships when/because they want to be there. As for right now, it is my feeling that a lot of the social volatility all around us, is the product of the transition between ‘then’ and the future.
If only women could take one look at a guy and assess instantly whether he is someone who derives the greatest inner satisfaction from investing himself, his feelings, and his life in one direction as deeply as he possibly can. That is the very mindframe which keeps them riveted to (whomever they’re with, really).
And y’know, although women like to sense otherwise, men do not operate with the mentality which would see them rating a woman as 36C-25-38… before looking up to see a 36D-25-36 walk by and instantly value her more highly.
The love stories you’ve long read about, and which fueled your present contemplations, are rooted in men who yearn to keep investing themselves more and more in the same direction. I guess it helps the cause of either side to remain as drama-free, while waiting for that person to enter your life, as you possibly can.
If there are distant demons in your past… address those factors head-on, and as early as can be, so that the additional drama they are sure to invite does not get heaped upon you so much so that the guys who want to *invest in you for a lifetime* will be driven away.
Sadly, for the late teens and early 20’s of most people, those love stories are made not of the stoner kids, or the flashy ones who seem ‘free-spirited’ and disconnected, but instead they evolve from the plainish, steadyish, non-flashy, studious classmates who fill-out every classroom on this earth.
Those complaining the most about romance, are so often the ones who were adversely impacted (by parents’ alcoholism, physical/emotional/sexual abuse) growing up. Those same people then find themselves drawn to lowlifes along the path… because somebody in their family was a lowlife while simultaneously being their main male role model.
They couldn’t care less about the straight-laced guys in school who are going to be central to those love stories… because they are sticking with what they know. They’re often even unable to understand why their train toward the future has been derailed. I guess, bottom line, is that more important than anything else is knowing yourself and doing so honestly, over time.
You’ve no doubt read that your sexual peak is destined to be in your thirties, right? Well lord knows you have all of the equipment already, and surely at concert pitch for some time now, right? So if it were all about your early 20’s bikini body, and how truly inspirational that body is… then you’d be hitting it out of the park every time, with every guy. (exaggerating)
So what if, instead, the secret to the upcoming (in 10 years) height of your sexuality centers around you knowing yourself in much greater detail by then??? Even if all of your fine equipment has a bit of wear and tear by then (hopefully more wear than tear)… won’t you make-up for it, and more, just by knowing what really turns you on in every way??
While I can understand some urgency in the minds of women who are intent upon having and raising a family, it seems less and less important to get married frighteningly young, than it ever was in the past. If a woman doesn’t fully know herself, then she is perhaps ill-equipped to make the very best choice for her in the romantic mate department.
I can fully understand why your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, but when you’re caused to know so many possibilities when so relatively young that you really haven’t experienced yourself quite enough, then you’re just bound to reach for near-term social answers. Those near-term answers just don’t fit the bill in the long-term equations. They just add drama.
Good one 🙂
Warning Comment
My sexual peak better last till I die lol
Warning Comment
RYN: My moms parents were cheaters too… I guess we have it in our blood.
Warning Comment
RYN: thanks for your note. I’ve come to realise that most men are just happy to be there with a naked woman and want you to enjoy yourself (loudly). 🙂 it’s nice to read entries like yours!
Warning Comment
RYN: thanks for your note. I’ve come to realise that most men are just happy to be there with a naked woman and want you to enjoy yourself (loudly). 🙂 it’s nice to read entries like yours now and then though.
Warning Comment
What makes you think you have any idea what you are talking about
Warning Comment
interesting
Warning Comment
I am done with male role models in my personal life. It’s time to think outside the box! But it’s true. Girls tend to pick guys they know. While the relationship may be dysfunctional, it’s also comfortable. Us girls are just dummies.
Warning Comment
ryn: aww you missed a good DITL then! It was ALL leg. I’ll post some leggy pictures just for you lol
Warning Comment
It works the other way around, too. “Why should women buy the bull when they’re getting dicked for free?” Hey there’s a new book out called Paying for It, by a john who reminds me so much of you! I’ve read it already. Would you like my copy? Leave me your address and I’ll send it to you. It’s a $25 book!
Warning Comment
Ryn: chicken fodder? Really?? Hahahaha
Warning Comment
ryn: I hope it does, too. I suppose I haven’t really taken advantage of my adulthood (LEGAL adulthood, at any rate).
Warning Comment
Warning Comment
The apartment actually has TWO deadbolts. And I have a gun….I feel pretty safe. 😉
Warning Comment
I would also add to the list of reasons the fact that thanks to the technological progress the pool of choices for a women is so much wider. that is a catch 22 situation: from one hand it gives you a chance to pick from the wider selection, from the other hand it provides you with a false confidence of “I could do better then that, lots of fish in a sea” …tbc…
Warning Comment
girls are no longer under pressure to grab “first what comes along”, they can afford to be more “picky” in choosing their “ideal” mate. just my 2 cents, as always 🙂 hope you’re well and well into the sumemr mood take care. {hugs} Lana
Warning Comment
ryn: hehe I haven’t forgotten! I honestly haven’t had the time. Usually when I update or note while babysitting(like now) there is a guarantee of getting interrupted about every five minutes. Posting photos takes a considerable amount of time! Also, I’ve been hoarding them. I might do a “monthly recap” in a week or two. Double the pictures, double the legs!
Warning Comment
hey there, just to let you know about Alazar’s. Nothing urgent though, just a response to yours Lana
Warning Comment
🙂
Warning Comment
Ryn: yes I hate morons like that too!!
Warning Comment
You know, I did feel strangely exhilirated when I bend down at my friend’s opened car window to talk to him….it reminds me of your profile pic (tho I’m not dressed scantily like that) and I think somewhat my friend was thinking the same thing…it was kinda sensual, lol 🙂
Warning Comment
Rtn: tell me about it. I think if I didn’t have the stress I would go into shock and die. Lol
Warning Comment
Ha that entry was quite offensive to me with its many sexist insinuations… I already had my rant in my ‘normal’ diary though so moving right along:p I agree though, it’s very important to know yourself by yourself before rushing towards being able to define yourself as a ‘wife’ and ‘mother’.
Warning Comment
Ryn: yes, come to think of it, the ones who opted for affairs with perks = mistress = prostitution, isn’t it? But maybe just cos they are exclusively to those men only, so they become mistress (and hence do not thnk they are at the same level as being prostitutes)but the concept is the same. Sex for money. 🙂
Warning Comment
Warning Comment
ryn: I know my Mom’s not an idiot, and she probably assumes that we’re doing it, but I’d rather her assume than know for sure.
Warning Comment
Ryn: hi John, thanks for making me smile… I won’t call the friendship had waned. Rather one day, he went cold on me, whereas for months we’d been emailing regularly. I suspect it had something to do with me responding to a young over-eager admirer who kept on writing publicly “I love you” to me, and I did respond “I love you too” but you know how it is – it was just words for fun.And my friend did write sarcastically “you seem to enjoy those stuff he writes”. I didn’t think much of it cos we were friends, but of course we always poked fun at each other… And after that he distanced himself, and one day, that’s it, he stopped noting and emailing me altogether. This is so stupid. I don’t need melodrama like this in my life. Life goes on.. Ps: last winter I was in europe, london especially has lots of stickers in public phone booth and other public areas soliciting sex. And yet brits are known for being conservative, lol 🙂
Warning Comment
.73….
Warning Comment
Ryn: LOL! Let’s bite them! NOT, hahaha
Warning Comment
I’m sorry, MSOJ. Things have been so hectic and messed up. 🙁
Warning Comment
Ryn: I agree with you. Thanks for letting me see the clearer picture. Just that I find it strange why someone takes that easy way out to search for men by getting them from lurking in other female diarists’ entries. If she (with her nature to write sex entries) goes out to find men of that similar nature (who only write sex entries too) only, then don’t go clicking on my male noters’ names,cos the ones who are obvious (ie write notes publicly) are ones who are not into that sorta stuff (meaning they don’t write those sex stuff to the masses), and the ones who write them – never wrote notes to me publicly so she won’t know them. A few won’t respond to her notes cos they don’t like what she’s offering. I just don’t like her obstrusive way of oiling herself into other diarists’ entries just to find men. She should get her own from the front page.
Warning Comment
Ryn: hey John, thanks for your explanation….seriously you make me think a lot than most of my other favs’ advices put together. You’re right. Actually, if not for me perusing a non-OD friend’s bookmark list (which she places public) then I wouldn’t have stumbled upon your name (cos she’s bookmarked you). In that regards, I thank god for some people’s lack of private setting cos it made mediscovered great people like you. However, I still can’t bring myself to make new public entries as yet….you have no idea the kind of notes I had received from females who were so possessive of their male favs whom I had exchanged innocous notes with….and the notes from some ardent female fans too…they truly put me off liking females (even tho at one point I did wonder if I was bisexual, LOL)
Warning Comment
Ryn: OMG you summed it so well! 🙂 I agree! 😛 Ps : I wish you didn’t privatise that note, so that the other men can learn from you.
Warning Comment
you’re a dork, MSOJ 😉 thanks for your note on tigger and boogers the other day. how ya been?
Warning Comment
I enjoy my dots 🙂 Hope you’re doing well dear 🙂
Warning Comment
well i sure am glad! hate for you to be shuddering in dismay and all…
Warning Comment
ryn – you are right. i am settled in my skin and moreso in my life, i will find that ripened relationship soon enough i am sure.
Warning Comment
RYN: Amanda is my best friend from college, I didn’t think she’d want the details of Ronen and I. She isn’t so tame, just doesn’t need to hear what her best friend does…she gets the basics from phone convos.
Warning Comment
Hi John, Where is your new entry? You write so well that you shouldn’t stop writing! 🙂 Okay let me give you something to ponder. What’s your opinion about DSK (dominic strass-kahn) case…and the connection between powerful wealthy men and their uncontrollable lust over women (esp those women who are not within their same league of social circles etc). Let’s zoom to the older men since you’ve already discussed about Tiger Woods before. And tiger represents younger powerful male. Will wait patiently! 😛
Warning Comment
i think the website, http://theladdertheory.com says it all
Warning Comment
RYN \ You know it!
Warning Comment
In some ways I agree with you about the male role model thing, in the past I’ve had bad boyfriends but I don’t blame that on my parents or the way I was brought up. I blame it on the fact that I was too young. Although I would say I am more attracted to the abusive guys because they are familiar I wouldn’t pick one now I am wiser, I only know too well that these guys don’t change(in most cases)
Warning Comment