MOST EXCITING ENTRY here in years !!!!!

(and an example for those who so often change their OD names, among other things). Twas about a month ago now that I logged into OD to find that not two minutes earlier had come a new ‘note’. It was clear in an instant that this new note was from none other than the very same "Favorite Prostitute" referenced from the beginning and somewhat often throughout this diary.

We’d not communicated in eight years or more and here she was going into excessive detail in the note just to prove her authenticity. It was so meaningful to think that I might start communicating back and forth with her again, if for no other reason than to learn of her well-being.

So as fate would have it, I wrote back quickly only to get no response for so long that I stopped making it a priority to check every day. I figured she was barely keeping-alive the old e-mail addy she’d given me, and might find my response in a few weeks, or whenever.

Indeed that was true and accurate but she did respond yesterday after holidays and travel and now I’m excited about her reports. In once sense the reports are all wonderful to hear, in the way of updates and information, but she reports a very recent death in the family and it was someone about whom I knew perhaps 4 or 6 ‘details’, each of which made me think that I’d known my former sometimes-companion a little better. Those details (about the late relative) were basic, vague, and not ‘personal’ in one sense, but at the same time those tidbits comprised a part of "(M.F.P.)", the person. (for the uninitiated, the "F" there stands for "Favorite").

In the e-mail I first read today she updates on her education, and some of her work history. Interestingly enough she’s in a field not far from where she last told of pointing when I used to see her. There is a remarkable amount of personal dedication in her reports, and she seems driven in a way to which I can’t even relate on a personal level. (I know society values that much personal ‘drive’ in a person, and I can clearly identify its presence, so I value it for THAT reason {it’s sorta like ‘gold’ in that way} more than for my being able to relate directly)

She also tells of being a world traveler, and I’m caused to reason just now that when life "forces" you travel abroad, you’re probably more likely to later take-up foreign travel for leisure and elective purposes than might be somebody who has never been seemingly ‘made’ to travel away from North America.

M.F.P. writes in the tone of somebody who is truly wise and reflective and she reports of deeper life lessons from her time as a working girl than I had perceived. She tells that ‘the biz’ had conditioned her not to trust anyone.

She then tells of both a male friend and of a separate "boyfriend" who "know her deepest and darkest secrets". Back when she and I would interact I’d been hopeful that she could envision a distant time when she could trust someone enough to where they would be allowed to know of the seemingly large skeleton in her closet. In those days she was quite emphatic about never envisioning letting someone in on that secret. Mind you, this was NOT something I saw as a personal ‘necessity’ for her, but maybe I could somehow better anticipate at the time what a vibe of truly deep ‘trust’ could mean. She, by contrast, had lost the most prominent males in her life prior to stepping into ‘the biz’ only to alter her general perception of adult men from that point forward.

Curiously I myself have backed slightly away from my gen-er-al idea/vibe that a one-time working girl would do well to have that on the table in significant relationships of any duration. The times they are a’changin’, and a prevailing standard is "less history, more mystery" where it concerns one’s sexual past. Clarity: I still see it as an "ideal" that someone be able to share such raw and personal secrets (the strain of hiding such dark clouds tends to exact a toll on their keeper), yet in the case of working girls I still recognize their right to try to follow their first obvious impulses that way.

She says that the boyfriend knows all of her secrets – I wonder if she’d let him read this diary (er, at least the early part). No doubt this diary affords a unique look for it having marked somewhat-tangent events as they happened. For its anonymity, this diary also documented raw feelings and outlooks of the time in a way that merely telling stories can’t quite match. My own personal observation that way is that doing so would merely put more ‘investment/risk’ into the relationship pot. That is to say that if the relationship thrives for a lifetime, it could enhance his view and appreciation in some small way, but if the relationship failed on its own, then there would be more seemingly at risk.

M.F.P. shared with me the line of work done by her boyfriend of 2 years, and I like that it is clearly more structured and right-up-my-alley than are foreign travel and having as much personal drive as she does.

The woman is still in the same area to which she relocated nearly ten years ago now, and of minor note I only shared a hotel room with her just once after January of 2002, on what was the night before she left on that distant move.

My feelings are clearly identifiable as a combination of relief and excitement about the fact that this person who was remarkable enough to inspire the beginning of this diary, is now a successful and thriving woman who has been largely able to evolve so far from society’s image of the person I first encountered at curbside at 1:00am on a cold December Tuesday.

No other working girl has impacted me like she did, and I’ve seen enough to recognize a clear difference in this woman’s will to share to a depth of character that most simply won’t or can’t do. That she became so comfortable so quickly remains a very pleasant memory (and the memory has so very little to do with her female attributes – she was just… herSELF)

FYI – I write this entry before having even responded to her latest e-mail. (yikes!)

(had I ever changed the name of this diary – she wouldn’t have been able to find me)