Filled with hope for my OD friend ***Up-“date”-ed

The twenty-year-old diarist mentioned here of late has this evening embarked upon a "first date" with somebody she works with. That is neither spectacular nor surprising considering her exceptional beauty but she’s somebody who must still help herself to sidestep the past’s likely influence on the future as she socializes in the present.

Again, her mother is an alcoholic and her father was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive toward her. As something of a trick played on society, this young woman is extremely attractive physically and someone who has a considerably-developed mind as well. (she’s prepping for post-graduate studies while in her final few quarters as an undergraduate)

I’ve been quite drawn to the chance to understand more about what life looks like from her angle as I constantly juxtapose feelings and reactions she describes onto my life while trying to learn something from one or the other of us.

The woman didn’t have a serious boyfriend through the end of high school (and she was quite the looker back then too) and soon after entered into the mostly-long-distance relationship to which she compares all others to this point. Our OD friendship seemed to gel considerably soon after the break-up of a "friends"-turned-romantic relationship which was perhaps spawned too soon after the break-up of the long-term relationship.

(word to the wise: males don’t typically do the pure "friends" for the sake of friendship with single women (outside of the workplace) – they are more probably lining up for romantic affections)

I told her today that I don’t know of a single scenario where the combination of her many attributes is better suited than to a "first date" situation. She finds herself excitedly nervous, and fishing for hints as to what to wear, whether she should suggest something after the movie, and how the date should end. She then confesses: "It’s going to be three hours of wanting him to make a move (ie – put his arm around me or hold my hand)".

I responded: "Just loop your arm through his, at any point you so choose, and leave the theatrics on the screen".

This is a woman whose youth and beauty would be envied more in just such a scenario (as a "first date") than in perhaps any other single area of human life, and here she was genuinely nervous enough to be reaching for anyone who might give her some reassurance where not too much existed already about this one particular evening out.

As fate would have it she was contacted and scheduled for an appointment with a counselor at her university for early next week. When she went in earlier to inquire about seeing a professional the timing was such that she was on the verge of indulging in unhealthy thoughts and unhealthy behaviors. Now, some weeks later, and possibly after a "first date" which might hit the spot (ongoing as I write), she suddenly has the perfect window of opportunity to sit down with a professional and learn a lot about the path between here (where she probably remains a lit-fuse in terms of the effects of her abusive father on the males she is most likely to select {where they might in turn evolve to continue the cycle of abuse with her as a victim}) and averting a significant dose of "dad" in her partners and in her future.

I remain very hopeful that this eye-catching woman with so much going for her will make a preemptive effort to avert the chance of considerably impacting her future and her future family with the unfortunate abuses she has known while growing up. It is especially difficult to do that without the usually clear and usually considerable evidence you provide yourself during your teens and twenties that there is cause for concern.

Hopefully for this woman being smarter than most, and getting more personal breaks from others in all directions (yes, often just for her beauty), she might be instinctive enough to help herself to avoid additional setbacks which are so common in this society.

After we almost choreographed the entire date, I told her to "just be yourself… and win-it!", to which she responded:

"Why am I nervous?"

and I shot back:

"because it matters to you… which is a good, fun sign"

 

 

I can almost feel myself living one of those evenings which the likes of me never really got to know.

(it’s a good thing our world offers so much reading on similar scenarios so I could be filled with all of the textbook answers in response to her needing a confidence boost)

 

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EDIT:                The date happened, concluded, and it went wonderfully in every regard!

 

It seems interestingly pristine to me that her reports on the Friday evening date read like pages from romance novels depicting scenes in which we’d all like to participate.  That is sort of to suggest that this Open Diary muse is so attractive physically that she seems to embody the lead female character around whom the most innocent romance novels are set.  Her beauty allows the mind to focus only on the details scripted almost as if they were in a play:

She reports:

he picked me up on time.

he paid for the movie.

he was complimentary.

the movie was GREAT

he opened all doors for me.

he suggested we get a cup of coffee.

we sat and talked.

and i told him a bit about my family but not enough to really scare him yet.

he asked questions. (which is good)

he made it VERY clear that he was interested in me.

he admitted that he had never had a serious relationship.

which isn’t a bad thing seeing as how i’ve had one.

he asked me out for next weekend.

he walked me to my door.

and i kissed him.

 

it was cute.

i haven’t been on a first date in

forever.

 

i must admit, it was a good date.

part of me is screaming "RUNNNNNNNNNN!"

but a bigger part is saying "you need to stick around".

the part of me that is saying "run" is the part that is a bit scared by his lack of experience with women and how nice he is.

i remember having these same RUN instincts when (lone lengthy b/f) and i first met.

i remember turning him down repeatedly because i was just too scared.

 

I am quite content at the news of the pleasant evening and no matter what anybody says, I can fully appreciate the fulfilling feelings that such an evening would bring to me.  It would be far preferable to the alternatives penned in this diary but those nights just don’t happen predictably and with enough regularity for me to be inspired to pursue them.

I very much wanted to know of results just like these, for her, because such an evening should have been extremely predictable given many of the factors involved.  In some ways I can factor-out (as you might when doing math) many of the smaller elements relating to the dating process, in large part because of her exceptional appearance.  Nobody in romance novels ever has smeared make-up, a run in her nylons or deep insecurity over a mole on her neck.  More importantly, the reader never envisions the lead female role in a romance novel to know those setbacks.  We want to read how it is when life doesn’t seem to be hindered by those things.

My OD friend had such a good date on so many levels and right down to the part where an inner vibe was telling the past abuse victim to "Run!" from a nice guy.   That is the textbook response when a woman who has been similarly affected by evil males in the past meets a nice guy.

It seems that if she wishes to remain fully intrigued by what seems like what would at the very least be a welcome relief from her recent social trends, then she’ll really need to address the deep-rooted consequences of her abusive past.  I hope that her upcoming appointment on Monday is used effectively to at least illuminate the path she will one day need to embark upon in order to overcome the unfortunate past.

Hopefully she can be motivated by this breath of fresh air that has stepped into her life at the end of some emotional upheaval.

The date sure looks good in print, and particularly so when considering that she can get the R-rated endings just about whenever she chooses.

This seems so pure…