rant

I should have never let that woman come in ma house!! since then im not comfortable i feel like theres a spirit or something lurking around in here now.  My faith and spirituality is not allowed here with my husband so i havent gone back to church to get more holy water since he poured the last one i had down the drain.  he said it was in the way and taking up space  it was in a 1lt coke bottle  like really was it all that bad?!!?!  I’m just so over it!! I hate it here so much!! i cant get a job cause im “dirty” im medically prescribed back home!! Now he had me sign up for the NHA exam cause he thought it was gonna help me but its making my nerves worse!! theres no way a converstion about how i feel should end in arguing but it does just about every time. cant go back home cause his r there  i have bad ptsd  been having it all day  i shoulda left him when his kids did what they did to me cause y wasnt i stuck up for?!?!? i got fkd alllll the way around!! i have no one to talk to about anything  i cant trust no one   i pray all day that i get better and i do try everyday.  how can i get better if i cant have the help i need?!?!?  y tell me im the problem then turn it allll on me i need help when u cant even provide for the help i need and that i had till u brought us out here!!!?!?!?!  i get told im the problem but when i try to fix me the drs tell me im fine and they r all toxic!!!! make it make sense!!! please!!! I’m lost within myself and i cant figure out how to get out!! im scared and i cant tell no body cause yeah i know its my problem