tired

I’m currently in Edinburgh and don’t have much time to write but I felt the need to write this so I remember it later when I question myself.

Being the only half of a relationship who initiates conversations feels like shit. Being the only half of a relationship who initiates sex feels like shit. Being on the receiving end of someone’s issues woth the world, acted out through the context of a relationship feels like shit.

I took a walk the other day to see beautiful things which I’ll hopefully remember to post about and I thought about the lack of standards I set for myself when I stopped drinking. At a certain point, my only goal in life was to wake up without feeling like I was going to have a heart attack or throw up. After I stopped drinking I never established big enough goals for myself, or set standards – partially because my self worth was lacking. I have a lot more self worth now, it’s fine to feel good about that and dating should reflect that as well.

Being wrecklessly opposed to change is never good, listening to others is important and I’ve always respected that. Seeing someone who is wrecklessly opposed to…tons of shit….is disheartening.

When your most hopeful expectation in a relationship is that they’re not going to be evasive (or outright shitty) today, why would you stay?