Random thought.

So I listen to the Mens Room which is a Seattle talk show. They’re actually pretty intelligent people and they make very good points to callers. They make social commentary and basically I listen to them when I’m bored or doing something and get tired of listening to my ipod. So they have this thing called the Mens Room rules which is a stereotypical view of how a man should conduct himself in public. It’s not exactly homophobic or sexist but guys do find certain situations awkward. The bathroom etiquette struck a cord with me and brought up a memory I have long since repressed. The bold Section seven is what I’m referring to.

Article I – Bathroom Etiquette:

Section 1: No excessive or undue conversation in the restroom.
Section 2: Keep eyes forward whenever possible. (John in the NAVY)
Section 3: Always close the stall door, even when going #1 (Charles in Lacey.
Section 4: If you have an option, never use the urinal / Stall right next to a man who is already underway. (Justin in Puyallup)

•    Subsection A: At the gym, no man shall take the shower head next to another man, when none of the others are occupied. (Dennis in Olympia)

Section 5: No phone conversations in a public restroom. (Greg in Marysville) Especially a hands free device (Ron in Silverdale)

•    Subsection A: Camera phone pictures are permitted.

Section 6: No man should ever take longer then 10 seconds looking in the mirror in a public bathroom. (Brandon in Fresno)

Section 7: If you need to change in a public bathroom use the stall, and close the door. (El-Higgones in Marysville)

Section 8: At no point should a man be laying around naked when there are only other men in the area, like in the locker room or sauna. (Ryno)

Section 9: Don’t touch a man while he is already "Underway" (Thee Ted Smith)

Section 10: No man shall drop his pants and underwear to the ground while taking a leak. (Dan and Ryno in Marysville)

Section 11: If you must destroy a Mens Room, keep the fan on when you leave. (Rob Pacific)

 There’s a lot more of these but you get the idea. I worked at Seattles Best Coffee for a long time, a few years of working for them was at a mall. There’s probably 50 or so fucked up stories I could tell you about that place but there was an illegal immigrant that worked as a janitor there and he was very gay. Very nice and didn’t speak much English. One night after I’m off work I go to the bathroom and there he is in his tightie whities acting very shocked as he pulls up his shirt to cover his chest….I wasn’t through the doorway yet and I just walked away. I still feel bad about the gay immigrant janitor that probably didn’t get his little…rape? fantasy accomplished. Yes I’m pretty sure that’s what he was going for. I know he was an immigrant because the mall hired either immigrants or people recently released from a mental asylum. The head manager of Janitorial staff quit after a cleaning lady that always talked to faeries decided she thought the laundry room was on fire and called the fire Marshall, specifically the fire Marshall, to come put out the non existent blaze. A week later all but two of the Mexican Janitors were deported, including tightie whitie man, and three or four of the white Janitors stayed. I point out that the white Janitors stayed because they were the crazy ones. I could make commentary on the fact that a sane Mexican person can’t work there just because they don’t have a piece of paper and the only white people fit to do it are insane. The mall had a program to get outpatients. I have nothing against these people finding jobs and putting them in a mall seems beneficial in that they get to socialize but eh…I don’t know…just not a mall.

I think I’ll start writing coffee tales. I have a lot of them. Here’s a few more goldies from the oh so classy Auburn Supermall.

A month before Easter the Easter bunny comes and animals are allowed in the mall. One lady who was wearing suspender shorts..and just that with one suspender not in its place was angry and wouldn’t pay for her pictures of her little dog so she grabs the pictures and starts running away right in front of our store…she was a large woman and her dog had to take a shit so her dog is being dragged across the mall pooping little bits at a time as she runs in a very awkward waddling way screaming incomprehensible things at the baffled Easter bunny crew. It was like a scene from a movie but real and visually much more horrific with no care shown to the animal. She ran screaming straight through to food court with a pooping dog, everyone stopped what they were doing and stared. The two officers, Big Ron and Bald Ron (they chose their own names but both are named Ron) had a great time trying to subdue the woman at the far end of the food court who came running from the other direction as they heard screaming.

For more coffee tales tune in next time to the Tyler International Television Station…(haha…I still have innuendo :p…)

This is an edit but this just made me laugh my ass off. http://www.explosm.net/comics/1184/