hi

I like this video for the music more than the video. Not that I don’t see the point to the video but it’s a bit heavy and it interrupts in the middle…great song though.

This is just because…what the fuck? And why is this awesome?

So I’m 27 as of 5 days ago. My family actually made a deal of it this year which was nice.  My older sister, Leah, didn’t show up of course and Audrey likes a chance to show off her baby but it was nice to see family. My sisters old school friend stopped by which was good for her, she just lost both her parents in less than a year and her brothers a drunk so she’s been holding her families business together by herself. We celebrated it two Sundays ago then last Saturday we celebrated my little cousin Brennans first birthday and I got some birthday cheer there too. At Brennans party I got to sit with my Uncle Rudy and talk about golfing with my Dad while we watched the Masters. It was good to talk to someone that knew my father in his prime rather than what everyone in my family has seen and talked about for so many years. My Dad had a kind of patience that was perfect for Golf, he never lost his cool or got angry and always calmly played his ball through every hole while years ago Rudy would get angry and slice his ball into nowhere just like I would more recently.

He had a specific kind of patience though. As my soccer coach he got kicked out of one of my games when another player slide tackled me from behind while I was on a breakaway which is very illegal in soccer. The kid also went for my knees and I was wearing running pants (it was snowing) and the kid ripped them open which was obvious proof of what just happened but the ref was a home town fan (happens all the time in kids sports) so he didn’t call it and my Dad freaked the hell out, cursed at the ref and got kicked off the field. He drove us home later even though he felt sick and at about 1 in the morning my mother took him to the hospital to find out he was having his first heart attack. Rudy and I laughed about him and then went on to talk about motorcycles, skiing and other things my Dad liked doing better than other people and how the competitive spirit was passed on to his kids.

It really felt good to talk about my Dad in a light manner. I don’t think I’ve done that with any member of my family yet and it’s been a year and a half. I can talk to friends about him but it was nice to talk to someone who knew him well. He would never have wanted to be remembered as being sick and unable to ride a bike or run and that’s how everyone talks about him. This entry is turning sad real quick….after he passed we stayed in the hospital room with him for a while. My aunts and cousins wanted to come visit him even though my father felt horrible and told them not to come. None of them were answering their phones so we couldn’t let them know he was already gone. My Aunt Priscilla came in the room, saw everyone standing around and loudly exclaimed "Who’s having a party?!"…What should’ve been a quiet moment with my close family turned into 10 people in a small room…and of course my oldest sister wasn’t there.

Audrey (my younger-older sister) was having a really hard time with everyone saying that he was in Heaven. She was crying and saying quietly to herself that there is no Heaven and God isn’t real…only her fiance and I could hear her. It’s hard to know what to say in those moments but reading philosophy as a kid finally did something of practical benefice to me. I told her (loudly, trying to stifle my rather inappropriate aunts) "Either he’s in Heaven and has his legs back or he’s finally at rest and not in pain anymore." everyone got quiet and finally turned to Audrey who was clearly having the roughest time of it and spoke candidly without the religious overtones. It still astounds me that they were trying to feed all of us and wouldn’t stop asking if we wanted some of the snacks they brought. My deceased father, still in the room, us grieving and they wont stop trying to give us grapes and cookies…