Hey there, porno!

I often times find myself in dark and strange places on the internet when I can’t sleep..or I’m bored. No memories of how I came to a site and no excuse for why I’m still there. Most of the time it starts with IMDB, then I look at related movies or actors…then a few clicks later I’m discovering that in 1976 somebody made a musical porno based off of Alice in Wonderland.  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074113/   I found the actual movie that you can stream but I’m not posting that. If you go to movie2k.to and type in ‘Alice in Wonderland: An X rated musical’ you’ll find it if you’re interested. That site isn’t a porn site, just so you know. I’m sharing this because I’m tired and I can’t believe that somebody made a musical porno…that is also Alice in Wonderland…It makes sense if I think about it…a pedophile did write it…point being, I have no one that I can text at one in the morning saying, "Hey! There’s a musical Alice in Wonderland porno!" without looking nine kinds of fucked up so this entry and you lovely people are helping me cope.

The movie had a decent message to it, despite being a 70’s porn. It’s about Alice’s coming to terms with sex, fooling around and finding someone special to do it with for her first time. Also it encourages her to be comfortable with her body and enjoy herself. She’s put on trial for her sexuality, is forced to go down on the Red Queen (rather than "off with her head" it’s, "give her some head", haha corny 70’s people…I did chuckle at that actually…) and escapes back to the real world, while the Queen is in an orgasm dream state, now knowing she’s ready to fuck her prince charming in a library. I don’t exactly recommend that anyone watch that but it’s like Monty Python made a porno, I couldn’t help but be interested. It did make me think about learning about sex which is mostly the point in me mentioning this. Could you ask for a better segway?

In all honesty I would’ve preferred finding out about sex through that movie rather than watching late night soft core porn on Cinemax, looking at pictures in Dictionaries, then later when we got internet (pre-internet…what the fuck?) reading exhaustive articles about how to really have sex (I was very occupied with not being horrible at it) and eventually finding out when I was 13-14ish that first hand experience is the only way to learn. I don’t count 7th grade sex ed because that was just stupid. I asked the teacher if you could have a hybrid baby if you had a threesome just to be an ass…would’ve got detention for that but they were all touchy feely when it came to sex ed… My family is Catholic on both sides, not real strong Catholics but strong enough that sex was never mentioned. My father had the sex talk with me when I was 15/16 by taking me outside to barbque and explaining that there was a male and female side of a propane hose, I busted up laughing and told him he was waaay too late. He was visibly relieved, clapped my shoulder and said something along the lines of ‘thank you for not letting me continue’. I’ve never asked my sisters if they got a talk but I do know I was having sex before them (total kid brother thing to be proud of, I know, as if it were a race) because Audrey wanted to tell on me and not let my girlfriend come over and Leah was pissed because she’s the oldest. Leah then bought me condoms. 

In the Alice porno Alice has the entire world beyond the looking glass as her learning ground. Granted, giving the Mad Hatter a handjob and being eaten out by human sized cat people isn’t ideal for anyone in the real world, the point of self acceptance and natural curiosity and enjoyment of sex is a very strong theme in the movie. I probably wouldn’t have gathered that were I a kid seeing this but some part of me probably would’ve felt more comfortable knowing that it’s not wrong to feel any way about sex and in no way is that shameful. 

All this does make me wonder what age kids are finding out about sex now. Parental blockers can’t stop everything and not everyone’s parents are going to even take that step. Mine wouldn’t have known how and probably wouldn’t care. The site, movie2k.to is not a porn site either, it has porn on it but it’s a free streaming site. It has The Hobbit and all sorts of others movies to stream. Not sure how it’s legal but I just watched the New Die hard and I’m not complaining. Point being that kids can find sex everywhere on the internet. Pop up adds alone! I feel like the internet thinks everyone is single and throws dating and hook up sites in everyone’s face to make them feel shitty about not dating. How are kids going to keep away from that shit? If I was a kid now, judging by how much research I did when I became curious, I would have a warped and fucked up view of sex. Maybe freaky sex is where the world is headed, look at Rome. I don’t judge people or fetishes, everyone has their thing but if I was a kid trying to figure things out the internet would give me way too many ideas to process appropriately. You go to have sex for the first time with a ball gag and handcuffs in tow you’re probably going to freak the shit out of someone, including yourself.

Here’s jokes in case I just scarred any of you. Also, my new years resolution was to find a few new good bands a month so there’s three bands I’ve enjoyed lately if anyone is interested.

Why didn’t Han Solo eat a steak? Because it was Chewy.

Two dog owners are bragging about their respective pets intelligence and the first dog owner says, "My dog is so smart he waits at the door every morning for the paper boy to come, then he brings me the paper while I eat my breakfast." the second dog owner says, "I know…my dog told me."

Here’s dirty jokes and corny pick up lines because I’m not finding very many good clean ones other than, What do you do after you eat an Elephant? You run around and around until you’re all pooped out. wom-wom…

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She gagged.

"This is the geek you’re looking for…" waves hand.

How does a woman scare a Gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquist.

Are your parents retarded cuz girl, you are special.</spa

n> (I halfway felt bad about that one but I still laughed when I read it…)

70% of the human body is made up of water and I’m very thirsty.

Howler sounds like the Kinks but edges on a Beach Boys kind of smoothness that’s hard not to bob to.

If Bjork had a younger sister, this is her. Her lyrics are eerie and endearing while her melodies edge on lack of care which completely supports an idea of reckless abandon she encourages and fears.

Tame Impala sounds like the Beatles would sound in the 80’s. I really recommend listening to the rest of this album. I’m not going to critique it in any way because yes they do sound like the Beatles but who doesn’t want more Beatles?

In other news I’m on day two of an all juice diet. Food has no meaning anymore and I’m liking it. I’m going outside now.