A day once dawned

You know that commercial for…some kind of phone…it has a song with the lyrics, "I have been quietly standing in the shade, all of my days"

It always reminds me of Nick Drake. I always pay attention to that song whenever I’m tiredly watching tv. I don’t really watch television that involves commercials unless I’m tired and this stupid damn commercial keeps coming on. I halfway know which songs that guy ripped off from Nick too. Its a sprint commercial, it came on again since I started writing this. Fuck you sprint.

Nick Drake has meant a lot to me. River Man; Cello Song, Parasite, From the Morning, Harvest Moon, One of these things First, Clothes of Sand, Hanging on a star…they’re all such beautiful songs. It reminds me of so many things yet the memories I have of them are always alone. I never listened to Nick Drake with other people. I felt some kind of secret connection with the way he played his guitar and sang with no backing band. It seemed like music you should listen to alone.

I’m not really in any sort of mood right now. I just feel between things. I’d like to be poetic but it would be forced.

Anything I can think of right now is just wilderness that I’ve gone through. Lakes on Mountain tops, ponds on duck hunting trips, noises of animals at night, rivers on ATV excursions, the smell of campfires and everything revolving around being somewhere other than a city. It’s one of those trapped moments where you know you can leave but tomorrow keeps you stationary.

I finished my aunts back yard and did her front yard too. I left feeling accomplishment,  ‘ha, I conquered your lawn’ and all that but once I got home it just drained out of me. I’ve been occupying myself anyway I can since the break up, I even feel clean of it all, finally… It’s the quiet moments at home that leaves something to be desired. The stupid commercial even reminded me of how I used to feel strong when I was alone. Purposeful and directed. Now that I’m older I just hear the sadness in the mans voice. This isn’t discouraging either. It’s just a part of the process where I don’t have direct contact with someone and I’m recovering from that…I feel like writing that last sentence was me justifying cutting off ties with people but it’s true. I said goodbye to a group of friends when everything ended and now I need to rebuild what I’ve lost.

I’ve decided that I need to record everything that’s old to me and move on from it. I’m tired of rehearsing old things in my head. It might have an artistic point but I need it out of me.