Fucking Hipsters

I received a package today from UrbanOutfitters.com, a plastic square with a neon blue and black print on it, and when I tore it open, I swear I got knocked in the face by stale cigarette smoke.  Really fucking intense.  I pulled out the contents of the package, just a single pair of charcoal colored knee high socks covered in tiny chevron-shaped perforations, and the clear plastic bag they were wrapped in smelled a bit like cigarette smoke too.  The socks inside the bag, somehow, did not smell like smoke, but I washed them later anyway.  When William heard me complain about what the package smelled like, he walked in and picked up the torn blue and black bag, lifted it up to his nose, inhaled deeply, and began coughing and making faces and then screaming.  He screamed out:

 
Then he went on a rant about the hipsters who work at Urban Outfitters blowing smoke in the packages they sent out.  Had me laughing so hard.  I grabbed my camera and asked him to repeat what he’d just said.  He said he would, gladly, if I agreed to not physically show him, as he never likes the way he looks.  I left the lens cap on, and grabbed these two audio pieces, the one above and the one below.  This second one wasn’t the same as what he’d originally said, naturally, but was close enough:
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
*He meant "under a fucking bus", I’m sure, instead of "onto a fucking bus".
 
I love the part about the microscopic mustache hairs and daisy dukes, and the Pabst Blue Ribbon.