A Teenager’s Christmas in Baltimore, Pt.2
To read the first part of this entry, click here, or use the top left button.
Aria used to practically overflow with self-confidence at any given moment, when she was a little girl. She wore the brightest colors nature ever invented, and everyone talked about what a happy and sweet little girl she was. Two things stand out to me that happened shortly before her self-esteem began to dwindle: my mom told me she was too much of a handful and that she was going to have to break her spirit, and Aria was diagnosed with ADHD and put on meds for it. I was horrified with the former and didn’t know what to say to my mom about it; who the fuck does that to their child? But Aria had so much spirit, and my mom seemed so emotionally weak, that I didn’t think she could succeed at that even if she tried. I may have been wrong. And I also didn’t know if my mom was serious– I thought she may have just been blowing off steam. May have been wrong about that too. It just seemed too horrific to think that my mom would try to do that to the sweet child, just for being very energetic and creative. As far as the meds, one of Aria’s teachers had recommended them, but I disagreed from the start. Even though Aria was hyperactive, like many eight year olds, and not all that great at listening or following instructions, like many eight year olds, she could sit and read her books from cover to cover and understand them. She loved to read and often sat and read several books at a time. She could sit and play a video game for hours on end. She was on the A and B Honor Roll at her school. She did all of her homework without anyone reminding her to, and handed in her school assignments on time. I thought kids who were diagnosed with ADHD were supposed to lack the focus to do any of these activities for more than a few minutes at a time, and certainly would lack the focus to complete their homework on time without guidance. I told my mom that and told her that Aria’s wildness was just from her being a child, a creative and extroverted child, and that she’d benefit a lot more from gradually learning to control herself on her own than being controlled with medication. Aria was put on ADHD meds a few weeks later. My mom told me, after a few months, that the medication was a wonderful decision because Aria was now a lot quieter, both at school and at home, and was now getting all A’s in school instead of A’s and B’s. She’d become so reserved, in fact, that her classmates often commented that they never saw her laughing or having fun. Aria was not taking her meds while staying with me for a week and a half and was quite manageable. She’s thinking of stopping the medication for good now, and I hope she does. Perhaps both of those factors combined to give Aria the self-esteem problem she has now. My mom doing things like telling Aria she shouldn’t go outside the house in skirts or shorts because her legs look fat, and then proceeding to take unflattering close-ups of Aria’s calves on her cell phone and show them to her to prove her point can’t help either. One reason I like my sisters visiting me is that it gets them away from my mom for little periods of time.
Aria’s last night here was new year’s eve. We made popcorn and lit a bunch of Christmas candles and watched Black Swan, drank sparkling white grape juice out of champagne glasses, and watched the ball drop at midnight. Then she introduced me to some of her favorite animes, and we packed her suitcase and carry-ons for her departure the next day. On the way to the airport, this song by Juliana Hatfield that came on the radio had a lyric that was something like, “I miss my sister!”, and we both looked at each other and almost started crying. I didn’t even like the song. She gave me many of those sock-in-the-face hugs at the airport, and I never wanted any of them to end. I had thought to myself, that I might want to spend next Christmas without any houseguests, since last year Maddie visited for Christmas, and now she’s planning to visit again at the end of the summer, but as Aria was leaving, I couldn’t take the thought of not knowing when I’d see her again, so I told her since Maddie was visiting in summer, she was welcome to come back next Christmas if she wanted. She told me she very much wanted to and that she couldn’t wait. After many long hugs, each one intended as the last one, I watched her go through airport security, was grateful she wasn’t hassled about anything, and tried to hold back my tears as I walked away. I was successful until I had been in the car for a while and was almost home. She texted me that she was crying all the way to her gate and that she couldn’t wait until her visit next year. I walked into my apartment feeling empty and tired.
I still haven’t taken down her Christmas stocking.
Us monkeying around. I’m the violet-blue kneehighs.
(I know, I’m taking pictures of her legs too, but I think they look beautiful.)