Processing

I have read a lot of others entries and some are so negative.  I think the world is just shitty right now, but makes me wonder if some people just come here to talk shit about people in their lives.  Of course I have problems with my husband, of course I get my feelings hurt, but I just don’t like to keep those people in my life if they’re bringing me down.  My sensitive heart can’t handle it.  And I definitely don’t name call the people I care about.

I don’t call my husband names and I am not the sort of girl that calls her friends sluts or bitches.  Tacky.  If they did it to me, they wouldn’t be my friends either.

Anyway, not why I am here today, that was just a random thought.

I set a date for my test but I am terrified I am going to fail my first time taking it.  I have test anxiety, but I have also been hiding for so long because of my PTSD that I wonder if someone is in there making noises if I will be able to concentrate or if my mind will go blank.  I wonder if I will over think it.  My counselor says that at least if I fail the first time, then I will know what to focus on for the second time around. UGH

I have an appointment with her today.  My husband and I agree that I can go maybe 5 weeks apart now.  I went from everyday, to weekly to biweekly, to three weeks, to now if she agrees to every five weeks.  What a fucking process and I can’t believe I even was there to here.   I can’t even think about it without tearing up a bit.

Side note, one of my best friends is moving out of state.  My best friend since birth lives far away and now this friend is moving.  Its hard because all my friends have kids so we can’t just pick up and meet for a weekend.

Anyway, study study and trying to stay away from the wine until my test is done.