Mechanics Daughter

My dad died of brain cancer in 2013.   It’s in all my medical records that my dad had brain cancer.  That his sister died of breast cancer.  My moms mom and her sister had breast cancer also.  So, I wanted to know if I had the BRCA gene.  I have always been a little fragile health wise.  I have had 10 surgeries in ten years because….again….fragile.

My husband got me a DNA test for Christmas that shows you your genealogy and your health background.  I was so excited.  You should have seen my moms face.  Disapproval?Anger?  I don’t know.  I asked her what was wrong and she said she didn’t approve of those tests.  I joked and told her, “Well this is your time to tell me if I am adopted or not”.  She said “nope, I am your mother”.

Cut to spitting in the tube and sending it off.  I download the ap and get an email that the results are in!  Of course it was so new so navigating the new website took me some time.  I learned I was less German than I thought I was and almost half Irish.  I was so excited, I was sending my sisters messages telling them how much Irish we were.  And ALAS!!  I did not have the BRCA gene!!  I learned I have a glutton intolerance but I don’t have celiac’s.

It took me a few days to realize you can check out your relatives.  So I click on it and I see pictures of two girls and a guy saying they were my half siblings.  I thought, HOLY SHIT, my dad had other kids!! I called my mom right away and asked her.  She said she didn’t know who they were but her voice was really loud and defensive.

Me: “Mom did Dad have other kids?”

Mom: “I DON’T KNOW”

Me asking who they were “I.DON’T.KNOW!!”

Then I look at the very top and see a name that isn’t my dads and it says 50% DNA Father.  It took me a second because I am actually on the phone with my mom.  My brain was frozen.  So I ask her who this PERSON was. Again.

MOM: “I DON’T KNOW!”

ME: “Do you have something to tell me Mom”

She’s yelling now.

Mom: “I DON’T KNOW WHO THAT PERSON IS”

ME: “Mom, what is going on?”

I am in shock because I don’t know what is actually happening.  Am I adopted or is this random person my actual father?!

Me: “Well Maybe you should call me back when you want to tell me what is actually going on”

There was more to conversation, but I was crying and honestly I blacked out and she wouldn’t admit it right away, but she finally admitted that she thought I was my dads, but wasn’t sure.

Her ‘story’ (and I use quotes because she still isn’t being honest and that was 2 years ago) is that he (bio dad) told her he was divorced and had a vasectomy.  My parents were separated, but got back together and she apparently told my dad and they weren’t sure whose I was.

It explains why I don’t look like my sisters.  It explains why I felt like an outsider forever.  We told my sisters, who are actually my half sisters (so fucking weird).

Almost immediately I got an email from my new half sister, she wasn’t friendly at first.  My bio father died 6 months prior to me finding out.  I will never get to meet him.  He died of COPD.

He had 5 baby mamas.  FIVE.

• A teen pregnancy that was his best friends girlfriend he got pregnant. – 1 kid
• 1st marriage – 3 kids
• 2nd marriage – 2 kids
• 3rd marriage – 1 kid
• affair with my mom (he wasn’t divorced) – 1 kid (that would be me)
• and there may be another stray out there they aren’t sure

So I have 7 other siblings.  I haven’t met them.  I have only connected with 3 on the ap and text with one of them.  The oldest sibling passed away.  I have all these half siblings and I feel like I still don’t belong anywhere.

My mom still won’t level with me and tell me the actual truth.  She blames him and me for making my own mistakes.

I guess he was a mechanic.  So all the times people called me the Milkman’s Daughter, I wonder what that did to my Mom.  43 years of choosing over and over to lie to me.  I don’t know if I would have made the same decision or different.  I do know that I would tell the truth when my daughter asked, well if I had the honor of being a parent at least.

Do you know how humiliating changing my medical records at this age is?  The questions people have!!   Why do I feel ashamed when I didn’t do anything wrong!!

My pristine and proper mother did not think it was funny when I told her I was calling Jerry Springer or whichever trash show they say “YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!!

I can laugh and accept it but fuck, why am I still so mad at my mom??

I am not the Milkman’s Daughter, I am the Mechanics Daughter.  My dad died of brain cancer and my father died of COPD.