Gratitudes

I was told I needed to write a journal and I used to but when I went back and reread it, I would always want to kick my own ass.  I am such a private person, so keeping this journal open is killing me.  I never post on social media.  Last night I even had a nightmare that a job I was applying for got a hold of my online journal and it was a nightmare.  Even shit that I had deleted.

I am happy being alone.  I mean, yes I am married, but when he is at work, I love my alone time.  I have my handful of good friends.  Friends that I have had since I can remember.  I don’t make new friends easily because I don’t trust people.  I don’t trust their intentions are real.

My husbands friend started dating a girl and she instantly clung to me.  She trash talked everyone she knew and called me incessantly.  When I started to pull away, she trash talked me to another wife and now no one in the circle talks to me and it makes it awkward for my husband.

Moving forward, here I am.  Making strides to move forward.  I will have entries of my traumas, but today, my gratitudes are that I am not where I was three years ago and I am digging deep to get out of where I was.

I have a plan.