Checklists

I’m overwhelmed today.  I am have test that I need to take to get certified so that I can go back to work eventually.  It’s been three years.

There was an incident at the job I had.  I was being sexually harassed, not the first time, I reported it.  Long story short, he was friends with the bosses, he was a manager, I was new to the position, he said I was cheating on my husband with him (my husband knew this was happening so DUH I wasn’t), and they fired me).

I tried to sue, this was a multi-million dollar company.  My lawyer got spooked and I got the standard victim blame, extorted me for 10k and bailed.  I lead him on yada yada.  He was married with 4 kids also, also slept around in the company, but it was my fault.  I had also told other employees, but they were afraid to lose their jobs, so they lied.

We both actually got fired.  He tried to contact me via social.  I was terrified.  I had a breakdown. I just couldn’t believe my integrity was being questioned like that.  So I have been trying to come back for 3 years.  Years and years of trauma at the hands of men.  I couldn’t even be me, my husband and my mom didn’t even know what to do.  My mom made it about herself and my husband doesn’t do emotions, so that has been tough on the marriage.

Today, I need to study, but I am overwhelmed.  I need to study.  I should do something to workout because I always feel better but I feel too overwhelmed to do it.

So checklist.  Study. Eat healthy. Workout.

Gratitude – the neighbor turned his fucking weed eater off and it is quiet.