So Let’s Pretend

So here’s another “what’s going on in my life entry” as opposed to an “ I just had a cool thought / expereince,”  I promise it won’t be all too boring.

 

 

Eight months, ironically enough, about eight months to the day when all is said and done. Mid September of last year I talked to her and told her I wanted something more.  Three quarters of a year later I feel like I’ve gotten the real response.  No relationship for her right now, whatever right now means.  Friends say that “right now” means she will continue to drag me along in the hopes that I will cling to hope and remain available while she decides if there is anyone else out there that she wants to date.  Even though I am really upset of the turn of events since Monday, I would insist that if there was anyone that was stringing anoyone else along it was me doing it to myself.  Durring multiple point to run away with good reason, I remained in hope that things would turn around and she would see how much I cared about her…but maybe that was foolish

 

 

“So let’s pretend that the last eight months hasn’t been for nothing” was what I telling friends. 

 

 

People want to be on my side, but I guess that I am still at the point where I’m ready to defend her side.  In truth I was more than aware that this might be the way that things would end up, but I was so hopeful…so hopeful for so many reasons.  I thought it would happen.  I thought that all this time spent showing my patience would help us to cross the barriers of distance and time apart and have come out together.  I was more sure about a girl that I have known for five years and never kissed than with others I lived five minutes away from and pursued romance fully from both our viewpoints.

 

 

She was here once.  One time in this house, and it was probably the last time.  Candle light and cuddling, her so close to me.  And there was so much more to her than that, to us and what I thought we had.  I don’t know, maybe my imagination just ran away with itself for a time.  And here and now is where it meets up again with reality.

 

 

I don’t know if I am cutting ties now or what, I guess we’ll see.