Reading Alone (2/8/03)

Ok, I have just been reading this in a book, and it is driving me absolutely crazy. Here’s the situation: girl meets boy and they go on the first date. Things go well, and at the end with the talk. The “ideal conversation” that first date couples dream about just comes out. They tell each other everything; past mistakes to fears about the future, I mean everything. Later on, one finds that the other was not being sincere in the conversation that was shared, or maybe one was sincere but they are no longer even interested in the other person that they have shared so much with. This leaves the other feeling betrayed.

Maybe there is something bad in going to fast, even if its just conversation. Now the analitical part moves to application. Do I do this?? I remember a friend saying that he was an open book, he just answered the questions that he was asked, it didn’t matter how well he knew the person that was asking the question; he was just being honest with them. I thought that this was a really great attitude to have, and I had to try this behavior. The only thing was, it didn’t work for me, but I didn’t do it right anyway, I did it wrong. I was so willing to throw any personal information at someone in the hopes that the other person might see something in me that I didn’t realize what I was doing. Afterwords I felt like I had been some rambling idiot that didn’t know to not get too personable with someone so soon. My hopes, my fears, my loves; I just passed them out to some person like a flyer at the door; and soon after I felt like I had said to much. I knew that I should have waited to share so much of me with someone that was more special, someone I had gotten to know better…someone that might have really appreciated it.

I think there needs to be a disticntion made.

One can be an open book, that is just simply being open; its being accessable. A person can tell another personable things, but still be somewhat separate from the other person. But there is something more intimate in sharing, sharing is something different…its something deeper. When people get down deep with each other, while talking about personable things, there is some sort of joining between them…I would like to say that there is a meshing of souls. The best word that I can think to describe it is intimacy; I think that the experience is that intense and increddible. I believe this because I think that I have done it the right way as well as the wrong…I have just been confusing the two for some time now.

So I guess that pouring one’s heart out cannot be done prematurely in a relationship, and not just for the sake of not being labeled a “headcase.” I think that there is a line drawn between the two terms, and on either side are examples of different levels of personable relationships.

Being accessable — one can have the appearance of an open book in an “ask and tell” type of relationship. But just because there are personable items on the discussion table, but it doesn’t constitute intimacy.

Sharing — this is intimate. There are personable topics, but its not the same as being an open book. I believe that the “meshing of souls” is because, as in being accessable, there is some kind of transfer of information, but there is more of an understanding between two souls; a kind of kinship between the two. While intamacy takes place, people can not only hear the other person, but they can also put themself in the other person’s position to the point that they are experiencing every ounce of sorrow and joy right alone with the other.

In sharing there is an intimate meshing in which two souls can become one. Its no longer such a wonder why we strive for intimacy in our relationships, and dispair so much when find anything less than it.

Peace and Love…Mikey