Guys and Girls

It’s been since Sunday since we have had any communication at all, but somehow that small amount of time seems like an eternity when so much seems to be in the air…things are so jumbled right now.  I told you how I felt about you; that you were worth being patient for, and more.  After much had been said, quite possibly too much, you said that you would have an email for me by the end of the weekend, a chance for you to think about everything I had said and somehow put into words the “million thoughts” that were racing around your head because of me.  I was relieved at the time, quite literally, because after I tried to tell you how I feel all in a few words that in no way could have done such justice I was really emotionally exhausted.  The email did come, about five minutes before the official end of the weekend.  I was in middle of working on a song when you told me that you had sent it.  I wasn’t really sure what to expect from it, but after you got ofline I sat there and thought about it for a good fifteen or twenty minutes…it wasn’t a good feeling.

Scripture…and quotes.  This was the e-mail in its entirity.  You told me that you had a million thoughts to work through, and two days later those million thoughts had produced enough fruit that you finally told me how you felt…over a full page of text and not a single word that was your own.  And that is where we stand at this minute.  If I had to guess I would imagine that the content of the words that you sent me would suggest (again your own words might have been useful for clarity) that you are having second thoughts, due mainly to the fact that you do not understand how a person can have feelings for someone that they do not know very well.  Your slow to “like” others, thats fine but I think the implications of that are difficult.

You told me that a friend of yours remarked on the differences of guys and girls, about how the two percieve things do differently.  This is true, and I think that we have gotten oursleves caught up in a beautiful circular argument that hasn’t fully surfaced with all the frustration that it is capable of producing.  Here it is in a nutshell.  You beleive that its not possible for two people to like each other when they don’t know each other all that well.  It takes time for this transition to occur.  In your eyes it should be a seemless process in which friends move from friends to “more than friends” not at a given moment as a result of a choice, but rather something that happend sequently over a period of time that is ambiguous to relational laguage such as “going out” or “official couple.”  Any action that seems to be taken as a purposeful step towards a romantic relationship is rushed, not natural, and therefore inauthentic when looking for someone to be with.  This is an ideal way to pursue something, but at the same time, I am not sure if it can work with out situation.  I believe that a relationship is built on moments that have significance and meaning that people share.  But friends can not become more than that if they choose to become unavailable to the idea of more than friends.  As the saying goes: “to love at arms length is to love not at all.”  You can never be more than friends if you never choose to make the step to into that territitory, otherwise you wait for a moment to take action that is waiting for you to give it its first push.  If two people make no decision to pursue something, then they sit idle where they are.  “Just friends” as always.  The idea of just friends exists only in the couples minds who indeed reamin friends.  Those who percieve the move from “just friends” to “more than friends” as a seemless process is one person of couple who has not come to realize that the other person decided at some point or another (no matter how small the action was, there was an action that someone had to be bold enough to make) that to move out of the “just friends” catagory would have to be deliberate.

Deliberate.  This is the exact word that I used to describe the way we would have to be if this had a chance. 

Do you see what’s happening?  You beleive that I ask to much to move forward because we only know each other as friends.  I thnink that you ask too much when ask for a transition that has no real begining.  You believe that I’m optomistic because I can have feelings for you too early.  I beleive that you are optimistic because you think that you can make something work while you pursue love at arms length.

I’ll be as patient as you need.  Patience bears much fruit in the end.  But, if we never make that first step towards something, we never make the concience effort to make progress between us… patience void of progress, I fear, is in vain.