Good Mornin’

Well, I just woke up on the couch at about 5:40 this morning, and I am already a little anxious at the day.  I feel that this might be one of the dreaded “update” entries that really say nothing at all, it might have a lot to do with the fact that I just got up.  Anyway, I feel like writing, and I don’t feel like spellchecl so here goes.

It’s still black outside, but with the lights off in the house I can make out the shapes of things outside.

First things first, this girl.  Talking to her since October, all I wanted from her while I was away this past week In South Carolina looking for a job was a phone call, scratch that, a returned phone call.  At least she would return texts at this point…but it makes no sense as to why she could’nt just pick up the phone after I would leave a message or something.  Well, she called me back on Sunday, right when I was heading to work, which seems to becoming a habit for her these days anyway.  We planed on talking last night, actually having a conversation for a change.  Called her at 8:30, and who knows how the structures of the earth might come come if she called me for a change…nohthing, no returned call, no text to say she was busy and could’ny call.

The sky outside is turning that purple / blue color right at the horizon out the window, some of the birds are starting to make some noise.

At one o’clock today I have a phone interview with a school in Florida that I seem to think I would like to work at.  This comes after I think I have given up the idea of working at a college and moved to the more practical idea of getting a job at a school for which I have been trained.  I am so nervous, and still feel like I am so unprepared…there is desire here, true desire for this to work out, consequently I fear that I might be putting uneeded pressure on myself already.

The birds are making all kinds of noise now, i feel like I have to get back to my bed soon or I might not get back to sleep soon enough, and 4 hours of tossing on the couch does not seem like healthy sleep.

Last night I rode around town with a friend.  We had the windows down and were listening to Dashboard.  That CD always reminds me of the first summer that I had found the band, and listened to the familiar CDs so much that I thouhgt the laser would make a hole through them.  My friend told me about a friend of hers that is struggling with something, and I know this person too, and talking about it makes me want to cry, I just want this person to be happy, but I think that this person is just not ready to see the life they lead from the outside as wrong.  My brother and sister in law lost their baby, its becoming common knowledge around cirlcles of peopple, I feel horrible that they have to keep telling people about it.  My roomate’s mom called and a friend of hers had a massive heart attack, I don;t think he knows about it yet.

The sun’s up now, it looks like morning

I feel tired.  I feel like there is so much brokeness around me that its almost wrong for me to want a job, or desire someone to love…things like that seem so selfish.  And then I wake up to this morning, and I know there is this transcendendant force that is pushing the sun up in the East and the birds are singing for just another day.  I want to have moments like this in my memory forever.  I want to remember talking about brokeness while smiling just because of how Dashboard makes me come more alive in the spring because the warm air at night takes me back to a time in the past.  I want to look back at this morning and remeber it as the morning before the interview of my first real job that took me away from home and started a whole new exciting chapter in the book that is my life.  I want this girl to love me, I want her to feel the same way about me as I do her, beacause I know we could make it…I know I love her.

I think all of these things I desire are good, I just can’t make my universe revolve around them…maybe that’s why there is the morning to, to remind people how small they are…and to let them see beauty, feel loved, and be thankful for just one more day.  It is a good morning

Peace and Love

Mikey