Creeping Sunlight
Creeping Sunlight 7/31/07
In the morning, when the room is still dark, and the sun is invading from the door space inward, I have moments of rivaling realities and false ones. I always remember scenes from Vanilla Sky when Penelope Cruz whispers in a soft bedroom tone and heavy Latin accent “open your eyes.” In the movie it’s always some dramatic shift because there has been a defining moment when the reality of Tom Cruise is being challenged by the false reality that he exists inside of while the plot unwinds in something that is neither modern nor sci-fi. And it occurs to me that this is not all that rare. The movie is most definitely original, but there is something all too familiar in the idea of wanting to believe so badly in something that you make it into true happenings.
Even under the covers I keep my eyes closed. Snakes and fish never close their eyes but for whatever reason God gave man both eyelids and free will to close them by choice and not simply for necessity. There are factors in the day that are as real and inevitable as the creeping sunlight outside the door. I know what my day will be like, I can guess by evaluating certain factors which are constant. I know that the mail will come, that I’ll eat a meal or two, and that I have to pick up some groceries sometime or I’ll be out of milk soon. But while the day is still fresh and it seems that closed eyes underneath the covers can change the world just by the will, I try and do so for as long as time will allow. I don’t dream of elaborate scenes or of off-the-wall antics, but there are things that one wishes to see added to the days inevitabilities that would make it much more welcoming on the other side of the door.
Perhaps the mail will be graced by an unexpected bit of good news along with the expected bills and junk mail. Maybe a friend will call and we’ll do lunch together instead of eating alone. One might even will that on the way to the supermarket someone special will call and make plans for a movie later that night.
“Now open you eyes.”
When I once said that I lived for the weekends a friend retorted that it was very important not to wish life away. The better part of our lives are filled with the average work day and to fly through them disgruntled on an autopilot setting waiting for Friday night seems like a waste of good time. This advice weighs heavily on me this morning and I know I have to get up sooner or later.
But I dream of a call. I will for a text to manifest itself in my phone. I pray for either communication or apathy in its absence though neither seems likely. My desire renders me a basket case as I toss and turn in the sheets as I think about how she smiles when I touch her, how good it made me feel to know that I made her laugh, or the way that she looks when she’s had no time to get ready before a date. The sun continues to creep into my room as does the reality of the day as it exposes my fantasy for what it is.
Foolish dreaming…perhaps.
Wishful thinking…perhaps.
A future reality or the fantasy of lonely man…either seem possible.
“Open your eyes,” I hear in my head again and I know I must. But there are days like these that one knows one just doesn’t want to… for the fantasy from this side of the door is far sweeter then the possible realities on the other.
Peace and Love
Mikey