2/22/07

Talking with a friend last night about friendship and a mutual friend between us.  I remember when she said that this mutual friend kinda fell off the face of the world and stopped calling or even stopped returning calls all together.  Usually, she said, this is when he has found a new girlfriend.
 
When I brought him up again last night, she asked: "does everyone do this… does anyone think about us like we think about other people?"
 
I know exactly what she means…in her own words its being on someone’s radar screen but never being in the middle.  And its scary to think that you might like or even need someone when you are at best a passing thought in the person’s mind.  It’scary to think that we could mean so little…especially when that person, to ourselves, can mean so much.
 
Once again the idea of mutuality in relationships becomes real, no matter what kind of relationsips those are.  And to some degreem there is a selfishness about the whole ordeal.  For example, the people that I crave to be around make me feel like the person that I wish to think that I am.  I know the people at the top of my friends pyramid, or even dating interest pyramid, are the people that affirm the parts of me that I wish to see.  In a way, our friendship is not fulfilling because of what I can give, or even fulfilling because of what I can give and receive, but fulfuilling because of what I can receive.  IT follows that I don’t crave friendship as much as I crave affirmation or even the feeling of being with some one.
 
This does not mean that a person can not have a friendship and not be selfish.  Friendship occurs on the level playing fround of give an take.  Even if I desire to be friends with someone is a move to satisfy the self, it can be realized and build something good if the person on the other side of the friendship feels the same way.  When people have the need to be fulfilled and meet that need it another, friendship in its truest sense can occur.  But it can’t happen if people are not in the same place.  Without some sense of mutuality, friendship will fail.

Peace and Love
Mikey