What Does It Mean??? Oh God….

So okay, my back has been killing me the past week or so, (could be the heavy back pack I HAVE to carry around campus), my hands seem to be bloated or something because my rings used to just move all over the place, now its hard to get them on and even harder to get them off. And, my breasts feel incredibly sore and large. I had my visitor, albeit it was short, really short, but I had one. So I dunno, I have this nagging feeling that its playing on my subconcious. I haven’t been eating salty foods, or drinking sodas, or anything that could cause bloating, and my boobs only ever hurt like RIGHT before my "moon cycle" as Frank likes to call it.  So yes, I am a bit worried, especially about the bloating. I NEVER bloat, ever. Well not like consistantly anyway. These are all symptoms I get right before I start my period, but I just got over it like two weeks ago.  I dunno, its just gradual things I have been noticing.  The smart thing to do would be to go to the clinic and have a professional test taken…I dunno, or maybe the …I just dunno, I guess I will give it till Tuesday when I am off and I will go if the symptoms persists…but even a cheap EPT is generally accurat right? Surely I am not the rare case where its wrong…SURELY. Sigh….I REALLY hope these symptoms just dissapear.

But uhg, to move on from those scarey thoughts, the past two days have been beautiful and warm. However i see a storm brewing outside the window beside my head. The skies are dark and cloudy, and the sun is slowly dissapearing behind them, it will look like the dead of night before too long. But only until the storm passes. I love storms, I get so excited knowing one is going to hit, and I can’t stop looking out the window when it does. When I am at home, and if the wind is blowing away from my front porch, I like to sit on the swing and watch it pass through.  I get all full adrenaline and butterflies, just waiting for a big clasp of thunder or bolt of lightning. Ha, maybe I should be going to school for storm chasers instead of psychology. Though really I will be working with the mentally ill so it will probably be like the same thing, haha. Silly , obsessive, curiosity with serial killers, maybe my head should be examined! But anyway yeah, I see the storm coming and I have it tuned on to the news as it gives the minute count downs…*smile* …I must admit though, the BEST storms happen in Oklahoma. Those suckers are so powerful, and big, and awesomly amazing. It will rattle a solid brick house with one bang of thunder. I used to get scared but I couldn’t help but open the front door and watch….That will be one thing I miss when I move to NYC. They wont have the big, powerful country storms that we have here.

I am getting excited as next week draws closer too. Frank and I will begin planning our vacation! I love looking forward to that, because then it is set in stone when I get to see him again, no more wondering! He’s getting just as antsy too, he’s been so mushy and loving with me since this last visit and talks about seeing me soon. He usually only did that when it got closer to our visits, lol. I think it has been harder on him too this time.  But I am ALSO looking forward to a break from Missouri, from work, from school, from this life here, lol. I don’t care WHERE we go, just as long as we’re together and not in the midwest, lol.  And in one month from yesterday, I turn 21!! Pretty weird feeling. Knowing that I will be considered FULLY responsible for myself..I mean I am now, but no one looks at you like a REAL adult until you’re 21 for some reason…even at twenty they still call you a kid. But I guess those in their 40’s and 50’s think of it as such a long time ago that it seems like a childish age, lol.  It will probably just be my mom and I, providing I don’t have to work…which will suck if I have to work on my B-day , lol.

Actually, speaking of work, Lee said something kind of nice that makes it hard to stay irritated with her. She said, "you’ve been off the past couple days haven’t you? I don’t like that! I don’t like it when I am here and you don’t work. I like Hanna working when I can see her!" …I wanted to say then give me weekends off and that will be possible, haha, but I just smiled and laughed. I know she depends on me a lot. This place wouldn’t be run right without her and I here. Between both of us, we know everything there is to know about running this buisness, and whenever some one needs to know something, they come to me or her. Usually me before her, lol. We cant even go on vacation at the same time because ONE of us has to be here to run the place. And its really flattering when she’s gone she doesn’t even call to check up on the place, she lets me handle everything. I kind of like it, makes me feel trusted and appreciated too.  I know I should look at moments like today when she gets into one of her bitchy moods and takes it out on me everyone in general. I should just remember its a MOOD and she really does need me, and appreciate my work.  Thats easier said than done though…especially with her and her moods, lol.

Well anyway, thats all for now. Nothing new has really gone on in the past few days…just felt like writing and clearing my mind…its good therapy.