Unavoidable Plane Ride Home

Well I am back, and Frank has come and gone. Again I must sleep alone in this big ol’ bed. I can still smell him in the air and my heart clenches every time I think that he wont be sleeping next to me tonight. Every time one of us has to leave I feel like this big piece of me is being taken away. It seems so quiet and cold now. Its amazing what you can get used to in a week. I couldn’t stop kissing him all morning, I knew it’d be months before I could do it again. This feeling is awful….I remember the anticipation of his coming, as the day approached, and how happy I was when it came. But the week we had felt like it flew by, Monday seemed to turn into Friday over night, and our time together felt like it was ending too soon. We had a good visit… a great visit…he’s such a loving person, even if he can’t always express it in words, he is constantly showing me in other ways…..touching my thigh when we talk, stroking my hair as we watch tv, putting protection on my computer, (some dudes like cars…lol this one likes computers)…loving me, he even fed me! We’d be talking and he’d give me a bite of this cinnemon stromboli from Pizza Inn….which was yum by the way.  We’d go to bed late and then spend the day laying around…it’d be like 3pm before either of us even got into the shower, haha.

He loved his blanket, he always had it around him, even when we had blankets on the bed.  I wont ever make another one but I am glad I made that one for him. I’d do it all over again for him…maybe..lol….the last time he was here, I had this um.,..his/hers necklace set, where one necklace had a heart and the other had a key…and it said on the heart "he who has the key has the key to my heart…" well one nightI put the key around his neck..and he wore it..(which was amazing because he always talks about being so anti jewlery…) but then one morning the necklace was missing…but i found the charm…we searched high and low for the chain and never found it…well after he had gone home, I realized he had left his camera behind, and I was cleaning up my room and I found the chain between the hope chest and my bed. I tried to fix the charm to the necklace but couldn’t….however when  I mailed his camera back to him, I mailed the necklace with it. I forgot all about it. Monday night in the hotel room we were being silly and I pinned him down to the bed and I saw this…shimmer…for a second around his neck…so I pulled his sweater down a little bit…and ‘lo and behold, there sat the necklace perfectly intact. I felt my self go warm all over and I just hugged him and kissed him….I know he HATES jewlery, thats why I got him the pocket watch, because he doesn’t have to wear it….so he made an extra effort to make me happy by wearing the necklace…it was so sweet. I figured he’d never wear it, I just wanted him to keep it…maybe put it on this stuffed princess kitten (he calls me princess and loves cats) I got him for V-day one year or something…Sigh…I love him…I love him…

So tomorrow classes start again, and I return to work on Wednesday. I don’t want to wake up from this wonderful dream. I want him back here, holding me while we sleep…smiling at my silliness …playing with my cat…I just miss him so badly. I am trying to be really matrue and grown up about it…trying not to cry….I feel it start overwhelming me and I have to get up and do something….I know part of me feels abandoned…he gets to go home to a place I long to be…and I am stuck here and there’s nothing I can do about it right now. That kills me. I wanted to badly just to jump on the plane with him and never come back…but I can’t do that, I have to many responsibilities here…and he leaves to go back to England soon anyways…..so it just sucks all around.. I just keep thinking…next year….next year….We’ll both be in NYC…and we can finally  be together…but until then, I must settle for stolen moments in time….when I have him all to myself…