Tornado Warning.

Maybe I will get lucky, it will blow the campus away and everyone will get an A because records were lost, ha ha. No such luck I am sure though. I should be working on my math homework right now, but my brain will just not cooperate with me. I look down at the book, at my notes, and it looks like it makes sense, but then I try and do the problems and they never work out. I don’t know what it is, or why I have to be so stupid when it comes to math. Its like my brain sees numbers and takes of running in the opposit direction. I don’t even have the motivation to make it stay put and concentrate. I HATE math. I am a little worried I will have to repeat the class, if I could just make a C I’d be home free, but I am right on the boarder of bumping up to a C or staying a D. Shrug, I have to pay for this stupid class that I don’t even get credit for taking too. Thats a bit rediculous. So maybe I will just work on other things and come back to the math problems later. I still have 6 hours of work to do it in.   There’s also only 5 days left of normal lectures, and then four the week next of finals. Then I am DONE for the summer. Which is great, because when fall gets here, it means I am exactly ONE year away from moving. I know the semesters will just fly by too.

Frank is even showing more excitement when I talk about me moving to NYC. (He’s not much of a planner as you’ve probably noticed. He just takes life a day at a time….)  Which is odd for him, so it makes the thought even more exciting. I’m ready to be on my own, starting my whole new life. He’s even mentioned marriage a lot, =/. Which I definately want him to be the one, but the whole idea is really scarey at the same time. We’re definately not in any rush though. Its a really "someday" kind of thing.

So nothing is really new with me. My birthday is in 6 days and it looks like I will be having dinner with mom at my fave. resteraunt, The Olive Garden! Mmmm. I think after that we’ll catch a movie and go home. Sounds like a relaxing day I guess.  I’m not complaining or anything, my mom will go out of her way to make it a special day for me. I just get kinda moody because I always thought that on my 21st birthday I would get all gussied up and go out with all my friends and have a wild and crazy night. But then again I also thought prom would be the most romantic night of my life and my date stood me up….beautiful hair, dress, shoes…and no one to show me off.  Well I have learned not to have any ideals or big dreams either, lol. I’m sure a nice quiet 21st birthday with my mom will be nice though. =) Some people have it far worse I am sure.

Thats the weird thing though. Online have these, abundance of friends. And we laugh and talk, but they have their own lives, and bf’s and gf’s and they’re only online when they have a minute or two to check messages.  I don’t mean to make it sound like I don’t have ANY friends, because online I have lots. But away from the computer, and virtual reality is where I am most lonely, does that make sense? It’s like being married to man, sharing his bed, and dinner, but never speaking a word to eachother. Never touching or smiling, sharing a moment. You have that feeling of being totally and utterly alone.  I had last night off, 20 years old and I spent it again, at home in my pajamas, eating penut M & M’s watching lifetime with my mother. I feel bad, I appreciate my mom, I really do. But I am 20 years old and I feel like I am missing out. I have so much time to dwell on these feelings too, because I am usually so alone with my thoughts.

Frank always refers to times when he picks me up at the airport or I pick him up. He says I look truely happy. And I probably do, I am so elated to 1.) have him there after so long, and 2.) to have some one else other then myself and employees to communicate with. lol.  I am kind of bummed though, its a day like next Saturday when I wish Rachel, and Jessica, and my other friends were still close and sisterly. But I guess things in life happen for a reason so I should just shut up about it, lol.

I also have an abortion paper to finish writing to hand in by Thursday. That should be interesting. I may post it in here, I dunno. I don’t want some lunatic to read it and start some open diary war and be the brunt of peoples narrowmindedness, and childish opinions, lol. It’s such a controversial topic I could see it happening. So we’ll see how brave I am after it’s finished. 

Speaking of which, I should go do some more research on it so I have facts to back up my opinions. =) Hope everyone had a good weekend, and Happy Monday!