Tomato, Me, and a Cat

Wow, this is a first for a while, writing in OD while at home…And in bed no less. It feels really good! Some good news to look forward to, I put in for days off in July and Frank is tomorrow too, so hopefully we’ll get to see eachother! After nearly seven months (which it will be in July) we sure need a visit!! I’m getting irritable and naggy, haha. I really just want to see him, to hug him, I need that intimacy right now. When he holds me its like the other stuff isn’t so important you know? Feels very safe in his arms. It also gives me something positive to look forward to in this frustrating time in my life right now. I know in a few previous entries I kind of unleashed some frustrations about him, and although I was/am sincere in how I felt then, I realize I was a bit schoolgirl about it and probably could have phrased things better. I guess it is only natural to place blame on the people closest to you….I really have no cause to complain about our relationship. I mean sure he does things that frustrate me, and sometimes I think he takes me for granted …but after 6 years I guess that’s bound to happen. I am frustrated with my own life and it isn’t fair to put it off on him….entirely…lol

My mom’s friend David is visiting. His health is declining even faster and last night he brought up his will and dividing up his things to people he cares about. That was a bit difficult to do. I know he’s not going to be around much longer, like in the back of my brain the realization is there, but to actually talk about it, plan it, makes it so much more real and that is very hard for me. He’s the one who has taken care of us, made sure we haven’t gone without. He’s loved us more than anyone I’ve ever known. Granted he irritates me alot. He is loud, offensive, and speaks frequently without thinking…but his heart is bigger than Texas…and I know he loves me more than anything…really considers me the daughter he never biologically had…Frank asked me how I feel about that…he seems to think that I am pretty prepared for his death…But the truth is, how can you ever truely be prepared for death? I mean my grandfather kept saying he was prepared for my grandmother’s death….that he’d be able to keep it together….But when it came right down to it, he nearly died of a broken heart…I know the two cases are very dissimilar…but you can tell yourself you’ll be okay, and you can tell yourself that you’re mentally and emotionally prepared, but then it happens and all that preperation just flies out the window….The thought of David not being around forever feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest…unbearable….I cannot prepare for that.

So it turns out I am a bird killer. Sometime ago I planted two hangining plants and  realized not long after that a mommy and daddy bird had made a nest and laid eggs.  Well, I was going to show David so I took the plant down and I as I did the chain slipped through my fingers and the basket went crashing to the ground. I felt absolutely horrible and when I picked up the plant the nest was all out of sorts and I couldn’t see the baby birds or any eggs. I didn’t want to dig around the nest so David did. He then states, "you don’t want to see this!"…I thought the crash had killed the birds and I told him then to just toss the nest…I felt so bad…he tossed the nest and the baby birds fell out of the nest!!! They weren’t dead like he made them sound!! I felt absolutely horrible and near tears. I knew if I touched the birds the parents wouldn’t come back to them, and I knew that I know nothing else about birds to parent them myself….I put a couple of baggies on my hand since we didn’t have gloves and remade a little nest in the hanging plants and placed them inside. I felt so bad, they were shaking and so scared and just nestled into the palm of my head…It broke my heart. I hoped that the parents would come back….I saw one of them later come back with a worm and drop it into the nest…so my spirits raised…..at least they didn’t reject the little babies….But the next day I went to check on them and the birds and single egg that was left was GONE! I am really hoping that the parent birds made a new, safer nest and took the babies to it. I would feel absolutely horrible if some other animal got to the birdies or they fell out of the new makeshift nest and got lost….I felt like the worst person in the world when he tossed the nest and the babies went flying out of it and crashing into the hard dirt…..my heart broke into a million pieces.    🙁

      MY VERY FIRST TOMATO!!!

Me Incredibly Bored At Work   

My Sleepy Companion….