The Beat. The Lover. The Friend.

   So yay! I finally got to meet with my advisor and as soon as I got to work I signed up for the classes she suggested I take this time around, and shockingly I got into all the ones I was recommended! Which is odd, I guess everyone is being lazy about registering because I had no problem findng seats! I also declared my minor in Criminal Justice and was able to ask some questions I was wondering about. For example, what procedures would I most likely have to go through to become an investigator/profiler? Well I will have to go to the police academy of course. I figured I would, and I would have to advance up in my career. But I think also with a degree (masters and eventually doctorates)  I will be able to advance quicker than most. You would think I would have the book knowledge and then they would make me an "apprentence" or something in the field I have been schooled in. (After the police training of course.)

    I also might get a higher pay then just any ordinary street cop because I will have a college back ground. So that is something to look into. But I will do the whole police academy thing when I get to NYC. No sense goung through and paying for it all here just to have to do it all again for NYC standards. But the idea is sure appealing. I love law AND psychology, and I can’t wait to actually be doing something with it. I still have a long way to go yet though.  I told Frank about my conversation in the Criminal Justice department, and he got a little quiet and then confessed that while he doesn’t want to discourage my dreams, he also came out and said he didn’t want me to get shot, lol I know thats a fear he really has because he was testy about me joining the navy. (Which didn’t happen, but not because of him by any means.) I know besides me getting shot, he’s worried it will change my character. It probably will in ways..like I will be more…experienced I guess? More aware..hardened. But if he’s worried about that then he should find me better friends that aren’t already on their way to making me a hard, bitter person, lol.

I think I will always be who I am though. I may see more cruelty, and danger, but I think I will always be the soft, innocet, caring Hanna. I just think if anything I will grow up. If he knew for certain I’d just be handing out tickets and pushing paper work he’d be A OK with it. lol.  But on the other side, it is really nice to know he cares enough to worry about me. If he didn’t care at all he wouldn’t have said anything one way or the other you know? So that feels good. I dunno how long I could handle being a beat cop, I am tired of dealing with stupid people, (which is ultimately what PO’s do, lol. ) and I’d much rather be dealing with the…criminal minds…criminally insane type of stuff you know???Guess we’ll see what happens and what I need to do to do what I want to do. 

On another note, I have encouraged my mom to get out there and meet a man! It has been a long time since she has felt intimate about another man, and had the warm fuzzy feeling in her stomach. The thought that she will never know love again as I know it now makes me sad. I don’t want her to spend the rest of her days sleeping alone, coming home to an empty house…no one to sleep next to her at night….She’s such a sweet and loving person, and she deserves to have all the things that love and relationships and companions bring. Even though in many ways we’re both kind of…innocent in nature, I see that she and I are alike in that we’re very passionate. She has a lot of fire in her still and I don’t want it to be for naught. David was good to her, to us, but she was never…attracted to him. She didn’t have the desire to rip his clothes off the second he walked through the door, or to cuddle up next to him on the couch. I am not trying to imply she needs just sex, (which she does need to get some, poor thing, lol.) but she needs more then that. Sex and intimacy are a bonus, but she needs a friend too.

She put herself on a couple BBW sites, and this 29 year old guy from MN sent her an e-mail..really simple, just saying, "I thought you were beautiful…I hope you have a good night." and signed his name. She called me all excited and scared and near tears. She kept trying to over anaylze it because she insists she’s nothing special, but she is. I told her to just shut up and accept the compliment, even if he does send it to every BBW on the site, pretend he doesn’t and let it boost your ego! The more I insisted the more excited she got. ( I must say too, I went to the site and looked him up and he was hot! He may be 29 but she should so get some of that…even if its just for some fun until she finds what she’s looking for lol. He had such beautiful tender eyes….they looked so sincere, I think he meant what he said in his email…I would mean it. =)

I also created her an account on myspace and she’s pretty excited about it. She has no friends and spends so many nights home alone, (especially since I am usually here at work) at least let her find some friends online to stimulate her mind and give her something to look forward to you know?  We’re both so lonely in the friend department…in our personal lives, so I cherish the one’s I have here in OD and online. So tomorrow night we’re going to get her myspace all done up, (I found the perfect back ground layout for her and created a name and password and she loved it right away…lol I know her so well) and add some info about her and begin the journey. I hope it helps in her …..ability to like herself. Give her something else to think about so she doesn’t sit there and stew over what she considers her downfalls. (Plus I can be there to screen out who I think the weirdos are ha ha.) I just want my mom to be happy. and have a life she can…..smile on. I love being her whole world, don’t get me wrong…but she deserves her…adult world I guess? To have people her own age to relate to ya know? I want her to find that. People that will remind her of the special person she really is, so maybe, just maybe she can start to believe it. So for my momma, we’re on the hunt for a man and some friends. =)  (preferably on the east coast so she has another good reason to follow me, lol.)

I admit it…Im 21 yrs old and I still love my mommy….Im really protective of her though…so weirdos watch out!