Stick a cork in it.

       I am on to month number 2 in the apartment! Monday I went and dropped off my rent check, paid for my electric and water bill and went grocery shopping! Im A Big Girl Now! I still do not have a couch buuuuuttt I made a makeshift one out of a double stack blow up bed and some throw pillows. It works, ha ha. I could afford one at this point but with my vacation coming up I figure I could wait until that’s over. With gas prices as high as the temperature outside I’ll need every penny for the road trip. I can be patient. 

     I went for my usual walk with my friend Lizzy yesterday and for two hours she yammered on about this guy she’s all wrapped up in. (The one with the finacee I mentioned in a previous entry.) Any time I tried to interject a thought or change the topic she kept on talking and then I would just forget what I thought of to say. I picked up the pace hoping she’d be exerting too much energy to be able to talk so instead she lagged behind and kept going. Eye roll. I suppose it makes me a bad friend to get so irritated with her but I am just so sick of hearing about this guy every time I am in her presence. She proceeded to bash another girlfriend (who is currently in the same predicament as Lizzy) and I casually pointed that out which kind of pissed her off enough to stay quiet for at least 30 glorious seconds. This guy has no interest in her other than sexually and she’s mistaking that for genuine feelings and making a mountain out of a pebble. The relationship is non-existant except whatever she has created in her mind. She’s a pretty girl, and tons of decent guys throw themselves at her yet it’s this douche bag she wants. I don’t feel very sympathetic. I don’t interject obvious realizations to her because she will just ignore them. 

  At this point I would rather just do the trail on my own. She also is very argumentative and has begun telling me I am wrong (on just about everything) and proceeds to one up me by knowing absolutely everything ABOUT absolutely everything. Maybe I am just spending too much time with her and that is why I am finding myself so annoyed. It’s very petty and childish I know. But this is why I don’t make friends with many girls. Especially ones that feed off the spotlight. I am NOT like that. I don’t compete with other females, I don’t require being the center of attention, and I sure as hell don’t get wrapped up in guys who have ZERO respect or interest in me as a person. It’s hard to relate. 

 On the flip side she’s a nice girl and she has moments where she thinks of the world beyond herself. I enjoy being around THAT person. I really think it boils down to my being around her too much and I just need a break. This way I miss her and will enjoy being in her company again. This annoyance feels pretty high-schoolish and catty. 

   But during the whole walk I just wanted to shove a muzzle on her and run away screaming haha. So many "likes" and "totallys" and "Jared this" "Jared that" and blah blah blah. A bunch of surface BS…I feel light-years beyond that now. Sigh  Maybe I am just in an impatient mood right now and am taking it out on her. 

  I tend to have problems like this with girls though. So I wonder if it’s just me? I tend to make friends with girls who are clingy and in need of constant attention and use me as their anchor. Their sounding board. At first I really care but then I just zone out and stop paying attention. I get tired and bored of their drama. Perhaps I am the bad friend. Not compassionate enough? 

  No, that’s not true. I think I am compassionate about people who aren’t SO self involved. I really enjoy and value the friendship I have made with my supervisor. We have really become wonderful confidants and sometimes have really amazing conversations. I respect her and am more empathetic towards her than I am with Lizzy….although she makes more smart life decisions and has a better head on her shoulders….it’s easier to relate to one another. It’s a very comfortable, give and take friendship. 

  I feel guilty though, about being so annoyed with Lizzy. Like the problem is with me and not her. I should be more sympathetic and understanding towards her and just be a friend and listen to her ramble on about her, and her, and wait…more of her. 

  Sometimes I wish I were a guy. I don’t think this BS happens between guy friends. It’s all about cars, beer and readjusting their private parts or something. More laid back. 

Why can’t women be that way too? 

Why do we find it so easy to make a big deal out of such trivial bullshit? It’s so uneccessary. A waste of energy.